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Infidelity, sisterhood, and self-respect either way. #Lemonade and Love.

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When I was married I told my then husband that if he cheated on me I might still stick around. Getting through that kind of betrayal would take a miracle, and I would have wanted to create forgiveness and get to the other side of it, together make lemons out of lemonade n’ all. We stuck it out for a long time and by the end of that relationship, I had a very different stance on infidelity. If necessary, the lemon tree would have to be chopped down. (I explain why in the video post.)

Enter the profound artwork that is Beyoncé’s Lemonade. I bow. As a White woman, Lemonade made me almost want to avert my gaze to honour the pain that only belongs to Black women. Hands folded I say, I respectfully can’t relate to that specific pain, and I hurt for you.

And, there’s so much common ground…

As women,
as humans,
as beings with hearts that can break,
and with tempers that can break other hearts.

I’ve got a lot of thoughts about infidelity in particular — which is at the heart of Lemonade. In committed relationships you bleed, you sweat, you change. You contort, love, fuck, and devote to something sacred if you want it to be sacred, that is.

A lot of relationships are actually just transactional, half-agreements.
That’s as sad as it sounds.

In this video check-in: My feelings about infidelity, monogamy and commitment and how they’ve evolved over time. How I define Divine Fidelity a la David Deida’s 3 stages of relationships. And my deep respect for Beyonce’s art and every woman’s choice of devotion.

To the fidelity of love & self-respect for all.

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A new friend of mine, Esther Perel, just wrote a beautiful article analyzing Lemonade. Read her piece on Salon here.


 

Sing it with your sisters! xo

Tweet it out:

A lot of relationships are actually just transactional, half-agreements.

To the fidelity of love & self-respect

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the women determined to restore the divine to where it has been pummeled out of memory,

where denial is so calcified that our beauty is last to be seen in economics and science and law
laws that are too small for what our bodies know to be true.

The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the dark, the spacious, the sweet, the jaded, the women who live as certain as light rays,  
who renovate broken boardrooms and policies with justified anger and overwhelming Love —
Love of inclusion, of ecology, of bone solid Truth — Love of Love.

For those who do not have a Yes, I will share mine.  
Because, I can be radiant with my power — from the erotic to the cash.
I can fight my pain in public, choose my lovers, work my genius into shelter and endless comforts.
I am free to heal and so I must braid myself to
those whose bodies are stolen, where mine has always been free;
whose ideals cannot even be whispered, where mine have been invited…
The most powerful possible Yes to these women.

For the women who use privilege like a drug, for the ones so wounded that they wound,
for the the ones who squander their influence because it’s too much work to come down and meet the pain of the world…
we need to gift the most powerful possible Yes to these women

ALL WOMEN

The elders, the curanderas, the suffragettes, the midwives of children and art and culture,
the ones we call slut and Saint and CEO —
Sisters
all with a voice to say:

We will fund it ourselves.
It’s better when it’s beautiful.
No means no.
I see you, and I love what I see.
Come, rest.
and then…Let’s dance.
We’re in this together,

all with a voice to say:
Feelings are facts.
Trust is a milestone
And Compassion is a strategy.

And that is the most powerful possible Yes a woman can give.

 


 

Women! Share it with the women! xo

Tweet it out:

The most powerful possible Yes to women

Feelings are facts. Trust is a milestone. And Compassion is a strategy

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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Comparison is a killer. Cut it out.

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From the shape of our cells to the swirl of our fingerprints, each human is profoundly, almost incomprehensibly unique. In all the eons of time, amongst trillions of human eggs that have been fertilized and hatched…there is only one you: microscopically remarkable, positively unrepeatable, original, and…beyond compare.

Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the “Canadian Anne Lamott,” I said, “Why don’t you just be the global You?”

We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better. Would you compare a snowflake to a snowflake to decide which was more beautiful and unique? No two snowflakes are the same.

Comparison is a slippery slope to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. “Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…” Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.

So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy:

1. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel – successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That’s it. You’re not making yourself less than or more than anyone else – you’re simply giving yourself permission to want what you want.

2. Bless the people you feel envious of. The rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.”

With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

 


 

Share with the light lovers who can relate.

Tweet it out:

Bless the people you feel envious of.

With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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