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How to be truly wise? Rock your paradoxes.

Wisdom is paradoxical danielle laporte

True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view. Wisdom knows that there is always an exception to the rule, that there is a time and place, and that a case-by-case approach is divine protocol.

If you can comfortably hold your paradoxes, you’re going to be just fine.

Because I’m suggesting that you:

  1. Love yourself first and foremost and… Include the world in your loving (and then get off your ass and be more selflessly engaged).
  2. Raise your standards and… Be more flexible and accommodating.
  3. Forgive and… Don’t forget.
  4. Honour spiritual traditions and… Be your own guru.
  5. Be open-hearted and… Have clear, strong boundaries.
  6. Be understanding and… Don’t take any shit.
  7. Have a vision and… Go with the flow.
  8. Trust and… Do the work.
  9. Get real and… Be idealistic.
  10. Be steadfast in your Truth and… Make all kinds of exceptions.
  11. Have strong preferences and… Be easy to please.
  12. Lead with your heart and… Your head.
  13. Own your extraordinariness and… Your ordinariness.

Because it’s up to you and… we’re all in this together.

And hey, we have all the time in the world, but… this is urgent.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 3: TRUTHFULLY SEEKING. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.

White-Hot-Truth-Chapter-3

And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow HERE at [12pm PT/ 3pm ET] Let’s jam on wisdom, the exception to the rules, and how to rock your paradoxes. And I’ll do Q&A!


Fan the flames of urgency. Gently. Just press forward to a friend. xo

Tweet it out:

True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view.
Be understanding and… Don’t take any shit.

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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When “sacred” sex goes south. Freeing our bodies…messing with our minds.

Between oppressive culturalization and the shifting expressions of feminism, I get why Yoni Puja empowerment workshops or an orgy at Burning Man might be appealing—truly healing, even. For some of us, getting greased and going wild is exactly what we need to break the psychological chains and move up our own evolutionary spiral.

I also understand why so many progressive, spiritually-focused women think they might look like prudes if they demur on the free love. It can be easy to feel ever-so-slightly shamed for not being “freer,” as if they’re repressed just because they don’t want to go to the Proud and Powerful Pussy Power Summit and pair up with a guy they just met, to find their orgasmic sweet spot.

What is the modern goddess to do? Going wild isn’t necessarily freeing. And restraint isn’t always restrictive.


FREEING OUR BODIES, MESSING WITH OUR MINDS
Groupthink is difficult to detect in the self-help space because it’s often spun as progressive and undogmatic. It shimmers with a counter-culture glow. It’s especially complicated when liberal content is aimed at our sexuality, where vulnerability and power intertwine so intricately. On top of all that, most of us live in cultures that tout hyper-sexualization as empowerment. Look how uninhibited she is. She is owning it. Very possibly, yes. Or maybe she’s letting a broken system dictate her worth.

It’s confusing. Just when you get your feminist profile in order, you might have to figure out where your spirituality fits into it.

If I’m meditating to transcend my desires, can I still want to be ravaged by my lover? Where does erotica meet purity? If I’m a feminist, do I have to like porn?

It’s all so personal. So very, very personal.

How you like infinity disclosed is a matter of taste.
– David Deida

From my perspective, I see some ladies in goddess costumes and guys banging on djembe drums who may be masking some unresolved need for Love and attention. The herd mentality in sex liberation circles is as strong as any other, and in that environment, boundaries can be judged as sex-negative instead of sex-positive; discomfort can be labelled as rigidity.

It’s healthy to rebel against oppression, but rebelliousness for its own sake can create another trap. And in that snare, where our natural cravings for Love and acceptance are enflamed, we make a lot of weird things “acceptable” so that we can gain acceptance. But your “no” can be as life affirming as your “yes.”

In all the cross-pollination (and commodification) of global ancient wisdom, “sacred sex” and Tantra teachings are likely the most mutilated. Tantra in the West is currently a fucking mess. Pun intended. Centuries-old Tantra training requires its students to undergo years of rigorous contemplative practice and “emptying of the self”—something that is scarcely mentioned in sacred sexuality workshops these days. In some lineages, sharing what you practice with your Tantric partner is strictly forbidden, but now, anyone can Google sexual positions and Tantra techniques. Broader access to hallowed wisdom isn’t inherently bad; it’s just that the techniques, when applied without any philosophical understanding, can be used as a distraction from true intimacy and illumination.

When the “sacred” gets stripped out of “sacred sex,” we’re no longer safe to release the energy in our hearts.

We lose the compassionate motivation that’s the “Light” within “enlightened connection”. That Light can express itself in lovemaking in a way that is so soft and simple that you float into Spirit, or in a hot, unbridled lust that grinds into grateful oneness.

So even if we trace to the very roots of the pro-abstinence paradigm and the pro-sex liberationists, eventually it all gets dirty…sexy…sacred… pure, and back ’round to the puritanical.

Love meets you where you’re at. No coercion. No judgments.
A loving heart can temper the right amount of smut with spirit. Nowhere is this more evident in my life than in the sex advice that my girlfriends and I give each other. If you don’t have some vagina-reverent women friends in your life, please go make some right away. This invitation extends to all fundamentally genitalia-adoring, sexuality-celebrating good humans. A woman who knows the power of her vagina, or anyone tapped into the sheer force of their femininity, will help you celebrate the power of yours. She will throw you a fem-force fiesta if that’s what it takes to get you to see that pleasure is power, and that you should wield your force in accordance with your true nature. My girls and I meet each other where we’re at. Sexuality advice is always tailored—never one size fits all. Because morality has to fit the Spirit. Advice can range from, Sweetheart, you need a slut weekend in Barbados or… You need to get it on in the office supply room by Friday, to… You need to keep your clothes on for a few months and do a sex-tox or… You’ve come so far; don’t give it away too soon.

Loose or focused or somewhere in between, sacred sex moves us closer to our power, not further away from what our hearts truly desire.

Forced freedoms are no more empowering than enforced restrictions. Just because you make free love doesn’t mean you’re freeing your real power. And the inverse is true, too—just because you’re a pure monogamist who likes it missionary style doesn’t mean you’re puritanical. New Age proselytizing is no better than any other dogma. And peer pressure has no place in spiritual work. Or in your pants. Unless, of course, you really want your peers in your pants.

The best response to the complexities of sexuality meeting our spirituality is to become very clear on what works for you. Body, heart, mind, and Soul.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 12: FAUX FREEDOMS. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.

And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow HERE at [12pm PT/ 3pm ET] we’ll get down and real on spirituality…the sexy, sacred, pure. And I’ll do Q&A!


Want to heat up the conversation? Ya you do. Press forward. xo

Tweet it out:

Love meets you where you’re at. No coercion. No judgments.

What is the modern goddess to do? Going wild isn’t necessarily freeing. And restraint isn’t always restrictive.


Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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THE LIE OF AFFILIATION. Or…why group-think can really suck.

Danielle-LaPorte-The-Lie-Of-Affiliation


We have to fall for some lies to get to our truth. This is a big one….

THE LIE OF AFFILIATION. The Lie of Affiliation says, “Groupthink is good think.” We could also call this The Lie of Being Cool.

Yikes. Nooo. Danger, danger.

Flashback: I’m in one of those personal development workshops where the Apparently Evolved Guy Who Has More Money Than Everyone in the Room is working his neural-linguistic programming kung fu to get participants to share their deepest secrets with a group of utter strangers. (What? You were there? Thought I recognized you.)

“Who wants to share next?” asks The Leader Guy into the microphone. There are only thirty of us in a small conference room. He doesn’t require a mic to be heard, but, you know, spectacle. He doesn’t wait for anyone to volunteer. He zooms in on Pablo. Because it’s obvious that Pablo is scared shitless. Now, I naturally gravitate to the sweet, scared guys in group settings because I’m a natural mama bear and it’s easy to make the kind and quivery guys laugh. It’s a win-win. So I was sitting next to Pablo, noticing that he’d balled up tissue in both hands to help with his sweating palms. I looked at him to say, Dude, it’s your call.

Leader Guy walks Pablo through his proprietary and trademark-pending series of spirit-cracking questions and, right on cue, Pablo gets into his childhood story. An obese and verbally abusive mother, living in a house of total squalor and infestation, being sexually abused by a relative. It went on. It got worse. Unspeakably (unless you’re in a group workshop) worse. That abuse resulted in all kinds of neuroses and obsessive-compulsive behaviour in adulthood. He cried through his story, and all the emotionally available people in the room joined in with him. Leader Guy walked him through the final phase of the Q-&-gruelling-A. And then, I kid you not, he signaled all of us to group-hug Pablo while the workshop DJ in the back of the room played Wynonna Judd’s cover of Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” You can’t make this shit up, but you can pay $795.00 plus accommodations for it.

At dinner, one of the spirit-intoxicated attendees says to me, “Isn’t this wonderful?! That sharing that Pablo did is going to change his life!” I looked up from my bowl of quinoa and said, “Maybe. But I think when he gets back to work on Monday he’s going to regret the shit outta this.”

Because some things are too sacred for a fluorescent-lit hotel conference room.
There are some things you should only tell your qualified therapist or your best friend in the sanctity of private space, when you’re truly ready—and that’s how the real healing happens. With respect and skill, not manipulation.

But groups get it out of us, don’t they? We tend to love the comfort of belonging, even if it’s belonging to miserable company. And leaders take the heat off of us to do the work ourselves, if only temporarily. All we have to do is spill the beans and cry, and we’re welcomed right in. But a few days later, we wake up with a wicked spiritual hangover.

Wanting to be a affiliated with a cause or group can get more convoluted when we’re getting together for spiritual reasons. It’s not like we’re meeting to strategize Ponzi schemes or kidnappings. We’re getting together to make the world a better place, man. Who’s gonna stand up in the “How to Be More Loving” retreat to say, “The workshop leader is being mean to people and this is total bullshit”? That would not seem very wuving.

We experience group enchantment to define our individuality.
We enlist, we play, we promote, we wake up, we leave the flock. And then, we go find where we truly belong. May you find your tribe and Love them hard.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 2: The Really Big Lies. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.


And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow
 HERE at [12pm PST/ 3pm EST] and we’ll bite into the dynamics of group-think (it can really suck) and I’ll do Q&A!


PS: Who in your life needs some real healing? Cheer them on. Press share. xo

Tweet it out:

Real healing happens with respect and skillful support, not manipulation.

We have to fall for some lies to get to our truth.


Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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