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You’re going to feel guilty

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The guilty feeling associated with desire, with going after what you want, with transforming…

You know that feeling? It’s like tar on your mojo.

Maybe you were raised in an environment where desire was considered a negative thing. Or your social circle constantly reinforces the message that you shouldn’t dare to bust out. And maybe you frequently feel guilty for wanting what you want— and you know that it’s causing blocks in your life.

So how to vanquish the guilt? How to avoid guilt altogether so you can go get what you want?

You can’t. You don’t. Guilt is part of the deal.

You will experience guilt as you craft the life of your dreams. It’s part of your conscience, it’s the tension in “creative tension.”

You leave the person who gave you your first big break because it’s time to grow. You leave your kid with a babysitter so you can have time to write. You leave behind your mother’s idea of success.

You push off perceived limitations. You go for more. You fly higher than they did. You get further than you planned. You use brighter colours. You let someone down so you can lift up your life purpose.

The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough.
It’s the price of admission to fulfillment.

You’re going to feel guilty. Breathe. Keep going.

Ultimately, we’re all better off if you let your heart take the lead.

 

 

Share it with light lovers who can relate xo

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The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough.

Ultimately, we’re all better off if you let your heart take the lead.

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Love your sadness. It won’t last.

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I was feeling it. Pure sadness — the inescapability of it plowing through the softest part of me. When you’re in that kind of painful place you’ll try to climb the walls to get away from it. You want it over with.

“Love your sadness. It won’t last long.” A friend texted me late at night. I caught it just as I was turning off my bedroom light.

Love my sadness?

Love my sadness.
Sadness, I love you.
Let me give you a kiss, instead of my fist.
You’re heavy, but you’re so honest.
I should give you more credit. More space.
I’ll be grateful when you leave
but I know I’ll be grateful that you came.

A metaphor: You know when you catch a cold, and part of you is just a bit grateful for it? The cold itself sucks. But it gives you a reprieve, an excuse to stop, curl up, wind down — it demands a compassionate response.

And if you’re smart, you milk it. Take the day off, order in, watch the entire “Breaking Bad” series on Netflix, sleep…a lot. And while you’re sleeping off your fever, you get the sense that you’re burning off months of built up stuff — and sorting out some internal things. You get better, you put fresh sheets on the bed, and you’ve got a new attitude.

Same thing with sadness.

Sadness gives you the chance to be still with the most tender place of your being.

Sadness is an opportunity to deeply appreciate your losses and your longings.

Sadness brings you eye to eye with your desires.

Appreciation is fuel for change.

Love gives your sadness the energy it needs to move through you… so it can move on.

By loving your sadness, you’re respecting your truth.

And freedom always follows truth.

 

 

Please encourage someone to love their sadness

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Sadness brings you eye to eye with your desires.

By loving your sadness, you’re respecting your truth.

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo credit: Catherine Just

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refuse to worry (and how to be more useful for your friends)

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Some precious people in my life are in extreme pain right now. Three friends are sorting through the natural disaster that breaking up brings on. And after a traumatic and poignantly one-in-a-million accident, one of my beloveds is literally patching together a new body and life. I cry with them in cafes and on the phone. I write letters I know they’re too weary to respond to. I think about them throughout every day. I ache, actively. Concerned.

But I do not worry for them. Can’t do it. Won’t do it. Refuse to. Not because I trust in an benevolent universe to carry them (which I do,) and not because I’m disassociated (I’m anything but.) I don’t let myself worry for them because I think it’s not only futile, but it’s obstructive. Worry only gets in the way of good intentions, energy, solutions. It’s toxic.

WORRY vs. CONCERN

Energetically, there is a critical difference.

worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.
concern: to relate to; be connected with; be of interest or importance to; affect.

Worry obstructs possibility. Concern is pro-active.
Worry weighs things down. Concern can rise to the occasion.
Worry is wistful. Concern is penetrating.
Worry tangles. Concern peels back the layers.
Worry gossips. Concern enrolls.

Worry is the conjoined twin of anxiety. Of course concern can be riddled with anxiety, but it’s strong enough to turn anxiety into a constructive force.

The darkest, gnawing side of worry is this: it’s an illusory form of control that we might cling to in order to feel important and goodly. Yep, “goodly”, not “Godly.” As in, I’m a good manager, friend, mother, Christian, citizen, leader…if I express my love, smarts, interest by…worrying.

HOW TO TRANSFORM YOUR WORRY FOR OTHERS INTO POSITIVITY SO YOU CAN TRULY BE OF SERVICE

Stand outside of the story.
Every fearful expectation has a big “story” behind it. The trauma, the drama, the pain, the plot. Worry feeds on the gruesome details. It replays the potential saga in your head. It validates all the reasons things could go wrong by drudging up the past again and again.

Worry is cleverly building a case as to why you should worry.

(You’re a better person if you do, you’re “on top of the details” it’s the sympathetic thing to do, things have gone wrong so many times before, it’s only logical to…worry. And on it goes.)

Don’t let yourself be pulled onto the “set” of the unfolding drama. Stay behind the camera and go where you’re needed to shed light on things. Witnessing is an act of compassion. Whether it’s with force or a light touch, you get to call the shots on how you will show up in any difficult situation.

Keep a soft gaze.
No one needs your judgment about why they got themselves into something, or all of the things that could go wrong. Gently observe what’s going on, and stick to the facts. This is really tricky because facts can be relative. Medical test results are facts. So is someone’s immense inner strength. Choose the facts that keep you moving in a better direction. Friends in pain (and we all qualify as friends who are hurtin’,) need love and optimism – critique and prognostication are big fat downers.

Let your heart be broken.
Life will devastate you if you get close enough to it. Get closer. In the cosmic fabric, your pain is mine is yours is mine…When we can share this unified space we know how to be of better service to one another – because we can better empathize.

Put a stake of devotion in the ground.
How far will you let your concern take you for a friend? (Limits are okay by the way, enlightened concern isn’t about martyrdom.) Are you willing to catch the next plane, withdraw your savings, find a lawyer, change bandages, mix herbs, listen tirelessly?

Your devotion may shrink or expand as the situation unravels. But if you can declare how you intend to be truly helpful, then worry takes a backseat.

Send wishes.
This is the single most effectual way to diffuse worry and move into positivity. Worry will crop up. Don’t let it stagnate.

Cleanse your worry with very precise wishes.

I’m worried that he’ll stay lonely. I wish him sweet love.
I’m worried the meds won’t work. I wish her quantum healing.
I’m worried she’ll do something drastic. I wish her equilibrium.
I’m worried he’ll sink into depression. I wish him lightness.
I’m worried this will takes years. I wish for swift grace.

While you’re at it, you could do one gorgeous global wish: I wish for the end of suffering and happiness of all beings. That about covers it.

Send wishes. And more wishes. The wishes will nest in your psyche and begin to inform your concern, your words, your actions.

When you’re not preoccupied with worrying, you’re free to serve, in so many ways.


 

Share with your precious people

Tweet it out:

Cleanse your worry with very precise wishes.
When you’re not preoccupied with worrying, you’re free to serve, in so many ways.

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo credit: Catherine Just

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