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Do you think being called “Too emotional” is an act of oppression? Maybe you should think about it.

Diva. Arrogant. Too emotional. Insensitive. Changeable. In a hurry. When Maranda Pleasant, Founder + Editor of Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine asked me all the names I’ve been called on my way to where I am/who I am…well that was easy to recall. I’ve also been called Flakey. Too poetic. And as if it was going to lead to the downfall of humanity, I’ve been called Romantic and Idealistic. Gasp.

Too emotional?

Unfortunately, I was not surprised at how many other women in this magazine feature have been called Too Emotional. It reminded me of a time when my first company was going up in flames. One of the investor dudes told me, “You know Danielle, you shouldn’t be too emotional about this. It’s business.” Hunh. “First of all, this is not what ‘too emotional’ looks like,” I said to him. Because I could have shown him ‘too emotional’ and thrown some coffee pots, or cried uncontrollably, or e-blasted some people’s dirty little secrets to the entire database. That woulda been too emotional. I took a deep breath and said, “You know, maybe if I’d been more ‘emotional’ this shit wouldn’t be going down.”

And by that I meant…maybe if I’d been more in touch with my heart, with my body cues, with my feelings I would have played it very differently. I would have and this seems to be the universal learning/regret I would have spoke the fuck up a lot sooner. Instead, I muffled my own agency to play along. Because I didn’t want to appear, you know, too emotional. And it blew up.

Feelings are fuel. Run those feelings through the engine of your intellect and you make real progress.

Of course mental instability can present itself with wild mood swings and extreme emotionality. We’re not talking about instability here we’re talking about strength. I should also mention that feelings and emotions are different things. That’s a conversation that I get into in The Desire Map.

What’s important for the topic of women being mislabeled and put down, put out, put off is to know that strong feelings from women are often labelled in a derogatory way. Too much anger, too much passion, sadness, grief, lust, compassion, caring. Except “too much” is a relative term, inn’t? It’s ESPECIALLY relative and destructive when a male is trying to tame the inner power of a female by belittling it…inn’t?

To plumb the depths of this in one elegant dive, I bow to radical feminist and civil rights activist, Audre Lorde:

As women, we have come to distrust that power which rises from our deepest and nonrational knowledge. We have been warned against it all our lives by the male world, which values this depth of feeling enough to keep women around in order to exercise it in the service of men, but which fears this same depth too much to examine the possibilities of it within themselves. So women are maintained at a distant/inferior position to be psychically milked, much the same way ants maintain colonies of aphids to provide a life-giving substance for their masters.

Hunh. Now that’s some truth-slinging. Did you think being called “Too emotional” was such an act of oppression? Maybe you should think about it.

And then stop thinking and start feeling a lot more. And start talking about how you feel a lot more.

And you know what will happen? You will start to be more aware of how you feel, more of the time  the tenderness, the rage, the genius, the sorrow, the Love. You will feel your power, and you will direct it into the world. Notice that I did not say, “let your power loose into the world”? No. Direct it. Because that’s the respectful thing to do with that incredible, deeply feeling, intelligent heart of yours.

 

Respectfully Yours,

danielle-signature1 copy

To download the current issue or subscribe to MANTRA MAGAZINE, head HERE.

Mantra Yoga + Health


 

Yessss, sisters. You feel it. Click to Pin or right clickInstagram @2x to download + share with all the powerful, emotional women you love and respect so much on Instagram.

How to not give a shit (even though you really do) and be kind about it all.

I needed to respond to someone’s email. Someone who really wanted an answer from me. Actually, more than an answer. They wanted reasons, an explanation.

And there I was, in that place where I often find myself: It’s 11pm, I’m re-reading an email, I’m torn. I want to draw a hot bath, put on a folk-trippy playlist and end the day really grateful. Should I answer the email, thereby giving up a half hour of golden sleep? (I don’t make resolutions but if I did, it would be to stop staying up too late.) Should I try to be comforting whilst explaining myself — again? Should I backtrack to appease this good person (would that be the more loving thing to do?) And by appeasing them (because that’s loving, right?) then I might decrease the risk of being: a) disliked, and b) someone talking shit about me.

Or…should I face forward, which is where I prefer keep my life pointed, and take a Sandalwood bath — the pleasure of which makes me a better person on a regular basis.

I minimized my computer screen and rolled back from my desk. And I thought, “I don’t care what they think of me. Fuck it.” But I knew that wasn’t true. Because I’m a love nugget, really, and I care a lot about other people’s feelings. Because I have a healthy ego. Because I’m a serious boss lady and kindness is always good business.

I closed my eyes and brought the person to mind. And I said, “Look, it’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s that I already expressed my reasoning — very lovingly. I showed I cared. And now,

I have to care more about my own freedom and future than what you think of me.

Not easy. But really, totally necessary. What I know for sure is that my ability to be (relatively) okay with the discomfort of boundaries — of self respect — is why I have the life I want, which is about constant creativity and a circle of true friends to love on.

It’s easier to have boundaries if you’re a heartless asshole. When you’re an empathetic love bug, it’s a bit harder.

Just the way it is.

So here’s a mantra for the Kindness Crusaders who want to get stuff done in the world:

“It’s not that I don’t care. I do. It’s that I deeply care about my [   fill in the meaningful blank   ].”

Love from the inside outward. Some people will take offense to your healthy priorities. Others will take your loving example and love themselves even more.

Take a hot bath and call it another day to be grateful for your good life.

 

Always with Love,

danielle-signature1 copy

 

Instagram @2x

 

 

Perpetually cleansing? That’s about right. The 80/20 rule of living your life and cleaning it up.

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My friend and I were talking about “cleansing”. The juice cleansing, cleansing minds, cleaning up thought forms, cleansing your space…“Jeezus. When am I cleansed enough already?” he lamented. “Tell me about.” I sighed, sipping on my hot water…with lemon…because…cleansing.

Here’s what I figure:

80% of life is for creating, moving your dreams forward — LIVING. 20% of life is for cleansing and purifying.

We’re either making something, or letting something go. We’ve got to let stuff go in order to make more stuff. I could go on…in fact, I will:

A basic analogy: You spend most of your day clothed, put together, and consuming. You spend a relatively small amount of your day on hygiene, optimizing health, preening, and releasing — without doing so, you and your life would be very unpleasant. Like Pareto’s principle figured, it’s the 20% of purifying our lives that makes all the difference to our 80% of living.

Except we resist a lot of the necessary clean up because it requires restraint and focus. Supplements, hassle. “Clear-the-air conversations” with people, so uncomfortable. Knocking gluten out of your diet — but fresh bread, mmmm. The purification of our mind is where we hit serious resistance. Exfoliating negative thinking, detoxing our spirit of doubt, grief, fear — this is the root of the work to be done, and it can be the hardest to get to. But it’s so simple: Just like you bathe your body, you have to bathe your spirit. We declutter our spaces. We freshen up our bodies. We need to be still and flush out the debris (usually illusions) from our psyches.

Cleaning our minds, bodies, and spaces is essential — as in, a profoundly critical must must must. It fuels every kind of vitality and fulfillment. It’s the difference between held back and fully free, congested and clear, shuffling along and flying.

So fall in love the necessity of regular purification.

  • Have the conversation so you no longer have to carry the burden. Lighter.
  • Kick the fake food so your body can re-set to optimal. Lighter.
  • Bathe your body with complete sensual respect — because it’s YOUR BODY. Lighter.
  • Sit your beautiful self down and be still so that you can feel life pulsing through you. Stay there just a minute longer because that’s the place where the heavy thoughts give way to the healing truth. Let light pour through you — it’s the most powerful tool in the universe — cleansing, revealing, life-giving. Lighter.

Proactive and preventative purification — you know that’s where it’s at. Because we want to steer clear of things like backed up GI tracts, or long term depression or anxiety, or your friends sending the Hoarders TV crew to your place. Clean it up and and keep it clean before your system backs up with any number of things — self doubt, memories of shitty resentments on replay, or too much cholesterol. Get in front of yourself.

Deep living is dirty, sweaty, gorgeous work. We will accumulate things. But your Soul wants to be mobile, unencumbered — in touch with all the parts of your life.

Purify as you go so your Soul has room to grow.

 

Only ever Love,

danielle-signature1 copy
Perpetually cleansing? That’s about right. The 80/20 rule of living your life and cleaning it up

 

Instagram @2x

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