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When you’re done fighting for it. The upside of finally giving up.

Do you know the story of the man who was hitting himself over the head with a hammer? “Why do you keep hitting yourself with that hammer?” a shocked passerby asked him. “Because,” the man replied, “it’s going to feel so good when I stop.”

Examine the evidence. You keep fighting the same fight. You’re losing sleep. You’re sick of hearing yourself complain about the same damn things over and over again (yammer, hammer, hammer). Clearly, wrestling isn’t getting you closer to free. It’s quite possible that…you have no fight left in you.

This is excellent news! This is beautiful! Because…

When you have no fight left in you, you get to stop fighting. This defeat can be a major victory.

He’s not going to change — even though he could. And if he did, it would take a few years — how many more years are you going to give? She’s not going to budge. She’s told you so, repeatedly — so believe her. Your industry isn’t getting more enlightened, the signs are everywhere — stop trying to change the game and go where you can really play. In terms of some of your dreams…if it were going to happen, it would have happened by now.

(And, if you’re resolved to hang in there, I’ve got lots of encouragement and practical sermons for your cause. I wrote a book about goals with soul. But today, we’re talking about the divinity of laying your burden right the hell DOWN.)

4 ways to make it easier to let go of goals and projects this includes work projects, relationship “projects”, soul projects:

  1. Focus on the relief of giving up. I’m going to stop fighting with this because I just.want.peace. I’m going to stop grinding, because I want more ease in in my life. I’m declaring my karma PAID, IN FULL. I’m done learning my lessons through suffering, I’m going to learn more gracefully now. 
I know there’s a better way and I’m going to allow for that. I already feel relieved.
  2. Focus on the benefits of no longer fighting. Less fighting, less crying, less over-eating, fewer therapy bills. More sleep, more space, more time, more creativity, more free expression, way more energy, more YOU…(keep the list going…)
  3. Focus on your core desired feelings. The big bonus of NOT feeling the way you want to is that you get really clear on how you DO want to feel. We learn through contrast.
  4. Focus on your NEW ideal. Note: NEW. Don’t slip into dream-resurrection. (They’ll change, you’ll change, the industry will change…) You want an equal relationship, you want to feel vital, you want to earn a living that’s totally in sync with your soul.

When you stop struggling to make something go the way you’ve wanted it to, you shift the energy grid of your life. Facing the facts is liberating (even though it can be wrenching) — and with that truth comes a major power surge.

When you’re done fighting, you’re.done.fighting. It’s a bittersweet relief. Focus on the sweet.

 

P.S. Check out my For motivation and purpose clarification reading list for most posts like this one. Real talk. No sugar-coating, but lots of love. Truth and love.


 

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When you have no fight left in you, you get to stop fighting. This defeat can be a major victory.
When you’re done fighting, you’re.done.fighting. It’s a bittersweet relief. Focus on the sweet.

Click here to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo credit: Catherine Just

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You will be called on to expand. And this is why we practice.

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I travelled to Dharamshala, India with six friends to meet with The Dalai Lama. It was cell-altering and heart-expanding.

The week before our arrival, there had been a horrible event in which some monks were murdered — most shockingly, by other monks. The story was on everyone’s mind and in our small, private meeting with His Holiness, the first thing we did was offer our condolences. His response captivated me.

“Ah, yes, thank you for your thoughts,” he said. “This is why we practice, for times like these when compassion is so necessary.” He didn’t nod in mutual disdain. He didn’t show any drama. He was soft and…practical.

This is why we practice.

For times like these.

You don’t need to forgive until you need to forgive. You don’t need nerves of steel until you need nerves of steel. You don’t need to call on your reserves of compassion, or fortitude, or faith until you’ve used up everything else.

This is why we practice.

This is why, even when life is ambling along nicely and there’s food in our spiritual cupboard, we still make sure that we get to yoga, or the reading group, or Sunday services.

When we’re healthy and happy we make sure to dance, we hit the court, we pick up the phone to check in, we drop by with something in hand.

When we’re believing in the fairness and the glory of human nature and the so-called Fates, we keep seeking, and meditating on reality, and praying for healing even though nothing obvious ails us. We keep up with our spiritual practice.

We keep standing up to make our art even when we could be predictable pedestrians.

Because the day will most certainly come, as it does whether you are a whole-hearted Lover or in denial of Grace, that you will be struck down or ground down by life. It can come in tiny tearing heartbreaks five times a day, just walking through your neighbourhood. It could come in the name of tragedy that could only happen once in a lifetime.

And you will need to withdraw the insights that you put into your heart’s escrow. And you will need to call on your people — the unseen and the ones right in front of you — to help you meet the day.

You will be interrupted.

You will be called on to expand.

You will be asked who you are and why you are here.

This is why we practice.

 


 

Share with light lovers who can relate xo

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You will be called on to expand.

Click here to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo credit: Catherine Just

 

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You’re going to feel guilty

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The guilty feeling associated with desire, with going after what you want, with transforming…

You know that feeling? It’s like tar on your mojo.

Maybe you were raised in an environment where desire was considered a negative thing. Or your social circle constantly reinforces the message that you shouldn’t dare to bust out. And maybe you frequently feel guilty for wanting what you want— and you know that it’s causing blocks in your life.

So how to vanquish the guilt? How to avoid guilt altogether so you can go get what you want?

You can’t. You don’t. Guilt is part of the deal.

You will experience guilt as you craft the life of your dreams. It’s part of your conscience, it’s the tension in “creative tension.”

You leave the person who gave you your first big break because it’s time to grow. You leave your kid with a babysitter so you can have time to write. You leave behind your mother’s idea of success.

You push off perceived limitations. You go for more. You fly higher than they did. You get further than you planned. You use brighter colours. You let someone down so you can lift up your life purpose.

The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough.
It’s the price of admission to fulfillment.

You’re going to feel guilty. Breathe. Keep going.

Ultimately, we’re all better off if you let your heart take the lead.

 

 

Share it with light lovers who can relate xo

Tweet it out:

The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough.

Ultimately, we’re all better off if you let your heart take the lead.

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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