What is desire?

An evolutionary impulse.

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Cheap easy. Quality easy. And The Myth of Endurance.

What would your life be like if you only did what was easy?

It’s almost unsettling to go there, isn’t it? When I use to try to answer that question for myself I’d squirm a bit. Lazy dilettante. As if. What would I do with all that extra time I’d have if I just did the easy stuff? Hmmm . . . maybe I’d have more time to enjoy what I’ve got and to get more of what I want. Maybe things would be . . . easier.

Ease. The concept confounds most of us. Here’s why:
Pay your dues. Put in your time. Prove yourself. Check the right box. Stay the course. Meet expectations. Soldier on. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. Good things come to those who wait. Blue collar, white collar, hard work pays off. No pain, no gain.

We’ll call these, collectively, The Myth of Endurance: a concept that you can choose to believe in, in varying degrees, or not. “Easy” is also a concept that can be just as useful to you. The easy way is a direction that leads to spacious places.

Choosing easy is smart, efficient, elegant; a fantastic form of self-compassion; giving yourself a break and getting out of your own way. Choosing easy is letting inspiration be your compass. Choosing easy is allowing for the things that you’ve been asking for to enter your life.

Now, let’s be clear, there are two types of easy. Quality easy and cheap easy. We’re aiming for Quality, with a capital Q.

The Quality Kind of Easy

Quality easy has a sense of fluidity to it. There’s a gravitational pull forward. Quality easy relies on his inner strength. Quality easy has an abiding respect for herself.

Quality easy has fewer things on the to-do list and is a brilliant delegator. Quality easy trusts the timing of things. He knows it’s better to hold out for what’s right than to deal with the mess of extracting himself from a bad compromise. The minute resentment and irritation set in to a task, Quality easy goes on red alert. She steers clear of aggravation, annoyance, and repetitive misery. Over time, Quality easy gets comfortable saying no, thank you, to things that are just too complicated and too distant from what she really wants. She is willing to let it go, get over it, and walk away—because she has better things to do with her life energy. It’s that simple, most of the time.

Quality easy brings a sense of expansion to things. Quality easy is compelling—because when you say yes to grace, you’re saying yes to the natural flow of life. You lift your face toward the grace, like flowers lean into the light.

The Cheap Kind of Easy

Cheap easy is a sucker for a discount. Cheap easy can’t see that some losses are gains. Cheap easy stays in a stifling relationship because it seems easier than facing the heartbreak and dividing up the furniture. Cheap easy is frequently in a rush, a smidge desperate, and usually scrambling for options. Cheap easy tells little white lies to get things done.

The path of least resistance isn’t about shortcuts, cutting corners, or being clever. And it’s certainly not about making mediocrity acceptable. It’s about optimizing the truth. It’s about casting your seeds on the most fertile soil for your best chances for success.

The easy way = more time to enjoy what you’ve got, and to get more of what you want. tweet

. . .

adapted from The Fire Starter Sessions

Nothing changes without me (a poem for open, terrified hearts)


my heart is so open
I can’t tell
if it is a gaping wound
or a portal
for everything
that ever was and ever will be.

I’ve learned to love the beautiful terror of eternity,
and scenario planning how shattered I could be
if the dark things got tall
and if I fell backwards in my forgetting of the Light.

But you can’t fall backwards in Space,
You can only only only ever unfurl.

More than anything,
I’ve wed the certainty that nothing changes without me –
not coal becoming diamonds
not fertilizing eggs
or migration patterns
or medicine dreams.

And what I thought was a net cast to me from a higher God
is actually
strands of truth and filaments of desire
that I have
strung together with my own hands.

In precious encounters,
I tie what I know & want to you,
so we can ride the winds of wonder.

Please don't punish yourself.

It’s hard enough to make your way in a world where you will be judged, daily. To overcome the intentional punishments inflicted by dark mongers; to find the right concoction for emotional wounds; and to rise from the simply deep heartache of not getting what you want — it’s anything but easy. It’s gruelling enough to be betrayed when you have been over-loyal; to feel like an imposter at the pretty party; to be seemingly alone in your looping fixations (you’re never alone); to feel like the star ship flew off and orphaned you in a cabbage patch of zygotes to be adopted by humans who can’t understand you. This stuff of earth, you know, it’s a lot of things, but it’s anything but easy.

Have I painted the picture? How heavy this trip can be? Good. Then why would you wittingly make it harder on yourself?

Please don’t punish yourself.

Not with deprivation diets.
Not with constant self-improvement.
Not with guilt trips, or following plans that are so tight you can hardly exhale.
Not with self-talk that is less than all-loving (I’m so dumb, so stupid, so needy, I could have, I should have…). Every word, punishing you.

Setting up consequences if you fail… Only rewarding yourself if you succeed — these can be veiled punishments, often in the name of motivation, obligation, and endurance. We even punish ourselves in the name of enlightenment — and that is so cosmically fucked up.

What do you learn from punishment? Actually, it doesn’t matter much, because any lesson possibly garnered from punishment is so barbed with pain it takes years to see the learning — let alone appreciate it. Forget it.

Punishment has a direct opposite — so wildly oppositional that it’s irresistible, if you dare…


Pleasure heals.
Pleasure makes all of the (seemingly) unavoidable hardships of just.being.here. so much easier.
Your pleasure empowers you. tweet

After years of being hard on ourselves and staying stuck in karmic cycles, pleasure-making is courageous.

So when you’re going through hell, find whatever might be luxurious at the time — a day alone, an abrupt departure, therapy, art, being witnessed in a guilt-free rant, rest.
Reward yourself for failing — with comfort, with what you planned to do if you won.
Look at yourself and say, “All is forgiven.” Forgive yourself for quitting, for asking someone to do something that you knew was impossible, for taking more than your share. You’re learning. You learned. Integrate your hard lesson with pleasure.

Stop rewarding yourself “if…”
Reward yourself because you’re here.
You showed up to master light.
You showed up to know pleasure.


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