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Antidepressants, meditation, the Goddess, and antibiotics. Making up your healing path.

Danielle-LaPorte-Mixing-Medicine

At a university house party, a new friend shared that she’d started taking Prozac for her depression (and as a result she couldn’t orgasm). “Well, what did your therapist say?” I asked her. “I’ve never been to a therapist,” she replied. Naïvely, I asked, “Well, how’d you get the Prozac?” Simple. “I told my doctor I was depressed and he wrote me a prescription.” I took a breath to keep my face soft but I was having a hard time understanding this. “A medical doctor?” I asked. “Ya, the guy who does my pap smears.” I couldn’t let it go—and we needed to get that girl having orgasms again. “How often do you go to this guy?” I gently pressed. She shrugged, “Once or twice a year.”

Antidepressants can be the best course of action for breaking painful cycles and getting much needed respite from severe depression. But the fact that one in four women in the United States alone is taking antidepressants makes me want to weep.

I once had a public conversation about this with Dr. Sara Gottfried, a Harvard-trained MD. She said, “We know that most of those women—the one in four—they’re struggling with stress, with hyper-vigilance, with cortisol. Fifty percent of people with depression have high cortisol. We know that twenty percent of people with depression have a problem with their thyroid—a slow thyroid—and often, no one bothered to check those levels. We also know that a lot of this has to do with being in that less resourceful, reactive, triggered place too much of the time, and not able to declare how it is that you want to feel—which is where Desire Mapping comes in.” Yes, ahem, some self-help books can come in very handy.

Dr. Sara went on: “We also live in a culture that’s determined to throw a prescription pill at the problems that we have, yet we’re not getting to the root cause. Let’s start with the biology along with the work on the psyche.” Applause!

On the other end of the self-care range are the stubborn self-help warriors (I’ll raise my hand). “I’m just going to do some visualizations and up my echinacea,” you tell your friend during your second week of coughing up chunks of your lungs. “I’m just processing some stuff.” And through the other end of the phone your buddy yells, “GO TO THE DOCTOR! YOU NEED DRUGS!” You crawl to the clinic and wonder what took you so long to get there.

One of my closest friends is a gifted intuitive and Ayurvedic practitioner. Her newly minted ex-husband was dishing out one shocking surprise after another. She was preparing for their son’s wedding, where she’d have to be civil to her ex and his whole snooty clan. We were strategizing on how she’d survive the festivities without stabbing anyone or going fetal on the dance floor.

“I don’t know if I can hold it together much longer,” she said, quivering and angry all at once. Context: this is a woman who sees angels in the grocery store, who dreams prophetically, who has healed herself from breast cancer—twice. She’s a contemporary, real-deal Priestess. “You can do this,” I affirmed. Then she spit it out: “I think I should get some Xanax to take before the reception.” Silence. Based on our mutual history of self-help bravado, she was probably expecting me to suggest that she steer clear of the mood drugs and just do some mantras on the drive to the country club. “Fuckin’ do it!” I cheered. “Get the meds and just get through the ordeal.”

There’s a time and place for everything.

Knowing the right time and the right place is how you become your own healer.

In summary: psychology sorts out how your parents screwed you up when you were a child. Buddhism looks at how your mind can transmute your emotions about how screwed up you are. Spiritualists look at the past lives in which you and your parents were mutually screwed up, and how you can use that knowledge to become a more loving person in this lifetime. And if all that fails, call a doctor.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 4: HEALING INSTINCTS. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.

White-Hot-Truth-Chapter-4

And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow HERE at [12pm PT/ 3pm ET] Where we’ll tawk antidepressants, meditation, and where an over-prescribed culture meets the sometimes in-denial New Age. And I’ll do a Q&A!


Be a healer. Forward this to a friend who needs to hear it. xo

Tweet it out:

Knowing the right time and the right place is how you become your own healer.
To heal, we need to look everywhere for our Light.

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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How to be truly wise? Rock your paradoxes.

Wisdom is paradoxical danielle laporte

True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view. Wisdom knows that there is always an exception to the rule, that there is a time and place, and that a case-by-case approach is divine protocol.

If you can comfortably hold your paradoxes, you’re going to be just fine.

Because I’m suggesting that you:

  1. Love yourself first and foremost and… Include the world in your loving (and then get off your ass and be more selflessly engaged).
  2. Raise your standards and… Be more flexible and accommodating.
  3. Forgive and… Don’t forget.
  4. Honour spiritual traditions and… Be your own guru.
  5. Be open-hearted and… Have clear, strong boundaries.
  6. Be understanding and… Don’t take any shit.
  7. Have a vision and… Go with the flow.
  8. Trust and… Do the work.
  9. Get real and… Be idealistic.
  10. Be steadfast in your Truth and… Make all kinds of exceptions.
  11. Have strong preferences and… Be easy to please.
  12. Lead with your heart and… Your head.
  13. Own your extraordinariness and… Your ordinariness.

Because it’s up to you and… we’re all in this together.

And hey, we have all the time in the world, but… this is urgent.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 3: TRUTHFULLY SEEKING. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.

White-Hot-Truth-Chapter-3

And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow HERE at [12pm PT/ 3pm ET] Let’s jam on wisdom, the exception to the rules, and how to rock your paradoxes. And I’ll do Q&A!


Fan the flames of urgency. Gently. Just press forward to a friend. xo

Tweet it out:

True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view.
Be understanding and… Don’t take any shit.

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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When “sacred” sex goes south. Freeing our bodies…messing with our minds.

Between oppressive culturalization and the shifting expressions of feminism, I get why Yoni Puja empowerment workshops or an orgy at Burning Man might be appealing—truly healing, even. For some of us, getting greased and going wild is exactly what we need to break the psychological chains and move up our own evolutionary spiral.

I also understand why so many progressive, spiritually-focused women think they might look like prudes if they demur on the free love. It can be easy to feel ever-so-slightly shamed for not being “freer,” as if they’re repressed just because they don’t want to go to the Proud and Powerful Pussy Power Summit and pair up with a guy they just met, to find their orgasmic sweet spot.

What is the modern goddess to do? Going wild isn’t necessarily freeing. And restraint isn’t always restrictive.


FREEING OUR BODIES, MESSING WITH OUR MINDS
Groupthink is difficult to detect in the self-help space because it’s often spun as progressive and undogmatic. It shimmers with a counter-culture glow. It’s especially complicated when liberal content is aimed at our sexuality, where vulnerability and power intertwine so intricately. On top of all that, most of us live in cultures that tout hyper-sexualization as empowerment. Look how uninhibited she is. She is owning it. Very possibly, yes. Or maybe she’s letting a broken system dictate her worth.

It’s confusing. Just when you get your feminist profile in order, you might have to figure out where your spirituality fits into it.

If I’m meditating to transcend my desires, can I still want to be ravaged by my lover? Where does erotica meet purity? If I’m a feminist, do I have to like porn?

It’s all so personal. So very, very personal.

How you like infinity disclosed is a matter of taste.
– David Deida

From my perspective, I see some ladies in goddess costumes and guys banging on djembe drums who may be masking some unresolved need for Love and attention. The herd mentality in sex liberation circles is as strong as any other, and in that environment, boundaries can be judged as sex-negative instead of sex-positive; discomfort can be labelled as rigidity.

It’s healthy to rebel against oppression, but rebelliousness for its own sake can create another trap. And in that snare, where our natural cravings for Love and acceptance are enflamed, we make a lot of weird things “acceptable” so that we can gain acceptance. But your “no” can be as life affirming as your “yes.”

In all the cross-pollination (and commodification) of global ancient wisdom, “sacred sex” and Tantra teachings are likely the most mutilated. Tantra in the West is currently a fucking mess. Pun intended. Centuries-old Tantra training requires its students to undergo years of rigorous contemplative practice and “emptying of the self”—something that is scarcely mentioned in sacred sexuality workshops these days. In some lineages, sharing what you practice with your Tantric partner is strictly forbidden, but now, anyone can Google sexual positions and Tantra techniques. Broader access to hallowed wisdom isn’t inherently bad; it’s just that the techniques, when applied without any philosophical understanding, can be used as a distraction from true intimacy and illumination.

When the “sacred” gets stripped out of “sacred sex,” we’re no longer safe to release the energy in our hearts.

We lose the compassionate motivation that’s the “Light” within “enlightened connection”. That Light can express itself in lovemaking in a way that is so soft and simple that you float into Spirit, or in a hot, unbridled lust that grinds into grateful oneness.

So even if we trace to the very roots of the pro-abstinence paradigm and the pro-sex liberationists, eventually it all gets dirty…sexy…sacred… pure, and back ’round to the puritanical.

Love meets you where you’re at. No coercion. No judgments.
A loving heart can temper the right amount of smut with spirit. Nowhere is this more evident in my life than in the sex advice that my girlfriends and I give each other. If you don’t have some vagina-reverent women friends in your life, please go make some right away. This invitation extends to all fundamentally genitalia-adoring, sexuality-celebrating good humans. A woman who knows the power of her vagina, or anyone tapped into the sheer force of their femininity, will help you celebrate the power of yours. She will throw you a fem-force fiesta if that’s what it takes to get you to see that pleasure is power, and that you should wield your force in accordance with your true nature. My girls and I meet each other where we’re at. Sexuality advice is always tailored—never one size fits all. Because morality has to fit the Spirit. Advice can range from, Sweetheart, you need a slut weekend in Barbados or… You need to get it on in the office supply room by Friday, to… You need to keep your clothes on for a few months and do a sex-tox or… You’ve come so far; don’t give it away too soon.

Loose or focused or somewhere in between, sacred sex moves us closer to our power, not further away from what our hearts truly desire.

Forced freedoms are no more empowering than enforced restrictions. Just because you make free love doesn’t mean you’re freeing your real power. And the inverse is true, too—just because you’re a pure monogamist who likes it missionary style doesn’t mean you’re puritanical. New Age proselytizing is no better than any other dogma. And peer pressure has no place in spiritual work. Or in your pants. Unless, of course, you really want your peers in your pants.

The best response to the complexities of sexuality meeting our spirituality is to become very clear on what works for you. Body, heart, mind, and Soul.

This is a peek-a-boo from my new book love, White Hot Truth, Chapter 12: FAUX FREEDOMS. You can read or listen to the entire chapter free by clicking HERE.

And THEN…join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow HERE at [12pm PT/ 3pm ET] we’ll get down and real on spirituality…the sexy, sacred, pure. And I’ll do Q&A!


Want to heat up the conversation? Ya you do. Press forward. xo

Tweet it out:

Love meets you where you’re at. No coercion. No judgments.

What is the modern goddess to do? Going wild isn’t necessarily freeing. And restraint isn’t always restrictive.


Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

Photo Credit: Catherine Just

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