Shop here
avatar
Go to shop

[LIGHT WORK] We can’t get to the light, until we understand the suffering.

The-Upside-of-suffering-DanielleLaporte.LightWork.Episode2_EmailHeader.2.1200x1200

I’ve struggled for a long time with wondering if pain and suffering were essential to growth. Are they essential to me being a more expanded, clear minded, loving, joyous, sexy human being? Do I have to hurt to get there? Well, I fucking hope not… but I haven’t figured out a way around suffering yet.

I’m really committed to doing what it takes to move towards my joy. Gratitude is a big practice for me. Feeling the agony of what’s going on in the world is a really big deal for me, and I’ve had my own real tragedies. At the time they happened, I’d wished they hadn’t… but now I’m glad they did.

But I’m not specifically grateful because those awful things happened. I am grateful that I had the capacity to turn awful things into expansion, to turn pain into power. So I’m not giving any spiritual credit to perpetrators or to betrayal, or to viruses that infected my body. I’m giving full credit where credit is due: which is to how I hold the divine and use that as a tool to turn the darkness into light.

So many of you shared how difficult it’s been to keep moving through pain and suffering. I had to make this episode about it. Here’s some of what happens in Episode #2 of LIGHT WORK

1. Calling out the short comings of some of the New Age advice for dealing with suffering.

There’s NO need for you to be grateful for the hardships or for your perpetrators themselves… because you have to remember that the universe brings you more of what you’re grateful for. We must be really discerning about where we put our gratitude with respect to suffering. Be grateful for the faith you generated. Be grateful for the friends, the angels, and the miracles that came into your life. That held you, and lifted you up, and put you back together when you fell apart. Be grateful that you had, and have, and will find the capacity to transform your suffering into learning. That you will heal brokenness into resilience. Be grateful for your strength to handle the challenges.

2. That there are 3 types of suffering…

Everyday Suffering (that general malaise), Interconnected Suffering (when we all feel the agony of the world), and the Brutal Tragedies (incomprehensible loss, violence, trauma).

3. That to deal with that first type of Everyday Suffering… one option is to spring yourself from that trap.

This is especially for Claudia, who feels stuck in her corporate job because it provides great healthcare at low prices. Prioritize your joy over fear. Here’s a poem I wrote for that malaise, called Focus. It’s a poem for sacred prioritizing:

We dance ‘round fires
to pray for others to change,

And we change our names
so that a reality we don’t truly want
will let us in the door

when we should be burning fears,
tattooing our declarations, and praying for the courage
to reign the terrain of our purest potential.

4. And to deal with that second type of Interconnected Suffering? Well, here’s how I do it…

I give myself time to unplug. I work to not feel guilty when I have my days off. I let myself trust that everybody else on the team will run with the ball that day.

I don’t have to be informed every day. I don’t have to be an activist every day. I don’t need to show up fully for the world every day. I believe in my fellow humans who are on the front lines. And when they can’t carry it and they need a day off? Then I can tag in to be there. That’s the beauty of being in this together. So when I do engage, when I do fight, I don’t apologize for it.

I know that stepping up with my voice can create some discomfort for other people, but we’ve got to be uncomfortable to make change. Railing against suffering is so messy. #MeToo, and #NeverAgain, and #TimesUp. That is some beautiful, messy shit. We’re not always going to get our delivery perfect.

Sometimes we’ll act out from a place of pain and overwhelm—it’s better than not acting at all.

5. And the third kind of suffering: brutal tragedy, seemingly insurmountable circumstances. You might ask, “How does a person rise above extreme suffering in this lifetime?”

It’s an excellent question, and I don’t think that someone does rise above it in this lifetime. I think they’re in it. They’re surviving, they’re wrestling, doing everything they can to hold on to their sanity. This is where so much of the motivational speak around pulling yourself up by the bootstraps falls short. They say that the playing field is level, but the playing field on earth isn’t level. There are different spectrums of suffering. Not everybody is born with the same strengths, with the same privilege, with the same gifts…

The exceptional soul is going to find glimmers of light within circumstances of extreme darkness. It happens. There are the people who went through Nazi Germany and they found their “why” in that horror. There’s Mandela who was in prison for 27 years before he became president of South Africa. That is exceptional… and those exceptional people happen. But we can’t use New Age speak to gloss over suffering. Some of us are going to rise above our suffering in a given lifetime, and some of us will not. And there’s no way to make that human struggle more palatable. It’s just really fucking hard.

Becoming comfortable with that reality is not the point. How one Soul decides that it’s going to grow through pain, through pleasure, through ease, through hardship, or through an inheritance fund… that’s their business, their mystery. No guru can tell you why you’re here. I believe that our souls are guiding us through every kind of experience, and I’m learning—not always easily, not without resistance—but I am learning to be at ease with how unfathomable, and how beautiful, that is.

Listen to LIGHT WORK Episode #2 on iTunes, Spotify, or Stitcher.

 

.  .  .  .  .

 

And now, a word from our sponsor… me!

LIGHTER, a year-long soul support program. This is 12 months of heart-mind nourishment. 12 months of intentionality. 12 months of connection and taking loving action—for yourself, your kin, humanity, and Mother Earth. Plus a few surprises.

At the core, LIGHTER is about drawing in more sacred, more sanity… and less of everything else. It starts in May 2018. Everything about it lives HERE, with more info being added as we get closer.

My people, keep moving in your unfathomable and beautiful ways. Go, do the light work.

Love,
Danielle

 

.  .  .  .  .

 

LINK LOVE
Light Workers mentioned in this episode…

  • Guru Singh is a celebrated third-generation yogi, master spiritual teacher, author, and musician who gracefully brings ancient spiritual practices and philosophies into the now with ease, humanity, humility, and a healthy dose of humour. He fuses Eastern mysticism into Western pragmatism in an accessible and transformative way.

RELEVANT BOOKS

CHARITIES

  • charity: water is a non-profit organization bringing clean and safe drinking water to people in developing countries.
  • V-Day is a global activist movement to end violence against all women and girls (cisgender, transgender, and gender non-conforming)

MUSIC

 

 

[LIGHT WORK] The upside of suffering… sort of.

The-Upside-of-suffering-DanielleLaporte.LightWork.Episode2_EmailHeader.1200x1200

It’s Episode #2: The upside of suffering… sort of. Let’s just get in there, shall we? Suffering. This is not a breezy pick-me-up podcast for the morning (or maybe it is). It’s gritty. I hope it’s meaningful. I know it’s necessary. Because we can’t get to the light, until we understand the suffering.

Some highlights from Episode 2 of LIGHT WORK:

  • The 3 types of suffering (knowing what you’re experiencing is key to liberation).
    • Everyday suffering—the slog, the general malaise, the greyness.
    • Interconnected suffering—the feeling a lot of us have because of the agony in the world.
    • Brutal tragedy-type suffering—seemingly insurmountable circumstances, violations, and losses.
  • How some New Age perspectives on suffering utterly fail us, invalidate us, and keep us from liberation.
  • My damn the man retelling of the Princess and the Pea story that illustrates how to keep moving forward when the day-to-day takes it out of you.

See you in the Light,

Danielle LaPorte

 

 

 

 

PS: This is the second podcast of a 6 episode series of LIGHT WORK, leading up to my new year-long Soul support program LIGHTER that starts in May 2018.

.  .  .  .  . 

The Princess and The Pea
A retelling… sans patriarchal BS.

Let me set this up with a question from Melissa:

“I live in the US. For me, it feels like life is one big roller coaster right now with lots of highs and lows, twists and turns. It feels like the reality I lived in my entire life has been shaken up and strewn all over the place in a million pieces because of the morally deficient narcissist at the top of our country… I go to the lowest lows where I am so drained by the constant barrage of horrifying news that I have no energy. I feel hopeless. I want to make a difference, but I feel so overwhelmed about where to start. How do you keep moving your life forward when the day-to-day takes everything out of you?

Melissa, there are a gazillion (at least) women who are nodding their heads. So many of us feel this way…

Let’s talk about The Princess and The Pea. There are many versions, but the one that I grew up hearing was from Hans Christian Andersen. I’ll just preface this by saying: this story really pisses me off. It’s the story of a prince who is looking to marry a princess, but he’s having a hard time finding a suitable royal chick—there’s always something wrong with somebody he meets. He can never really ascertain if they’re, like, a “real” princess (to which I wanna say every woman is a real princess, but alright). So… they have bad manners, they’re not gorgeous enough for him, whatever…

One dark and stormy night, a young woman shows up at his door. It’s been raining, so she’s drenched. She’s looking for shelter. There’s a mother on the scene, the prince’s mother, and she decides to test the princess. Now, how this is written is that they’re going to test their unwitting guest by placing a pea in her bed. That pea is covered by 20 mattresses, and 20 feather beds. Of course, we all know how the story ends by how the story begins… The princess wakes up in the morning. She’s had a terrible time sleeping because she’s been bruised by something in her bed, and the prince rejoices. He’s found a real deal princess who’s sensitively legit.

When I was a girl and I first heard this story, I looked down upon the princess. I used to think that she was oversensitive, that she was being what the nuns in my school would call “persnickety”. In Andersen’s version of the story, what’s really happening here is that the patriarchal mindset has co-opted the term “princess” to trip us up on our way to becoming the queen.

I didn’t realize that this was a story about giftedness, about the divine order of deep sensing. I think if this princess were in another fable, she’d be a wolf that was able to see the farthest in the dark. If this princess were in 2018, she’d be a feminist who could cut through bullshit.

I’d like to reread this story to millions of children: we all have the sensitivity and it’s our strength. The reward isn’t the prince; you don’t get let into somebody else’s castle. The reward is the capacity to see, to know who you really are.

This brings us back to suffering. You see, there is suffering in the sensitivity. It hurts to feel. And we’re raised to strive—to desensitize—and it’s killing us. I think the strength is in opening. That opening to feel is where resiliency is born.

Listen to the rest of LIGHT WORK, Ep. #2 HERE.


 

Go ahead. Send this to a friend to cheer them on. Press share. xo

Tweet it out:

We can’t get to the light, until we understand the suffering.
There is suffering in the sensitivity. It hurts to feel. And we’re raised to strive—to desensitize—and it’s killing us. I think the strength is in opening. That opening to feel is where resiliency is born.

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

avatar

[LIGHT WORK] The union. The bliss. The bind…Friendship is EVERYthing.

Danielle LaPorte Lightwork

Emily Dickinson said, The soul selects her own Society. We have our biological family, and we have our logical family. We have our blood relations, and we have our Soul relations.

I think one of the reasons that the craving for more fulfilling relationships is so strong for us is because we are being rewarded by technology for valuing productivity over intimacy. We are less connected than we have ever been. We know this.

So I begin here: with Friends, Lovers, and Therapy. Here’s some of what happens in my first (eeep!) episode of LIGHT WORK

I. Some ideas for nourishing friendships (sourced from my circle of rad friends)

  • Small talk can keep us small. Ask bigger, sweeter questions like, How’s your heart? What are you excited about? So… how are you… really? My friend, Steph, is excellent at this.
  • At your next birthday gathering (yours or someone else’s) do a round of “Favourite Frames”. The idea is for each person to offer up their most cherished memories of the person being celebrated. We did this for my friend Kate Northrup. We went around as we were inspired, sharing about the time we met Kate, or the dancing we did, or that time Kate did that hilarious thing… Favourite Frames work anywhere, anytime. Deeper connection.
  • Start your own Goddess Group. Here’s a script: (You can text this, email, or just say it in person.) It goes like this: Let’s get off our phucking phones and hang out. Ask a few friends to invite a few friends and show up in a living room and see what happens. Bring hummus. Or not. I’ve been meeting once a month with the same group of five weird and incredible women for ELEVEN YEARS… all because one of us did exactly that.

II. Relationship research that makes you go whoa

Read “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Take the test to find out your “attachment style”. You can be one of (or a mix of) three:

  • Anxious: preoccupied with your relationships, and tending to worry about your partner’s ability to love you back.
  • Avoidant: you may equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. (Total drag being Avoidant… not that it’s any more fun being anxious…)
  • Secure: you’re comfortable with intimacy, and are usually warm and loving. You’re a fucking unicorn, basically.

Here’s the beautiful thing: Attachment Principles can point us to our unmet needs. And once you realize that you have those needs, then you can go about getting those needs met in healthy ways. Ah, the beauty of clarity…

III. A gather ‘round the fire tale that illustrates (with scientific proof!) that we need each other to shine

The vast majority of stars are binary—they actually live in pairs. From our distance on Earth, it looks like single stars are hanging in the sky. But, through powerful telescopes, you’ll see that it’s very often a duo of stars that are huddled together. Stars require each other’s gravitational pull to coexist. And after hundreds of thousands of years, some stars will pull apart and die without each other. Proof that relationships are everything. #knewit

IV. Compelling reasons for resisting the (perfectly normal) urge to play therapist with your sweetheart

All the self help manuals, the years of therapy, the things I had taken home and put in my toolbox of Love—all the work I had done on myself to be a more conscious person… Why would I not hand that manual over to my partner, so that he could be a more conscious person too… to like, fulfill all of my neeeeeds?

When David Deida called me out in his workshop, I learned to work my feminine strengths in a way that made relating sexy again. How? Start trusting that your needs are legit. That you’re worthy of getting what you want. Start trusting the entity, i.e. the third being that is The Relationship. Trust that everything that you’ve already gone through, hard and good, will carry you through. And finally… You’ve got to trust that your person is going to meet your needs—without you drawing them a fucking map to your clit and your heart and your pain.

V. Plus…

…Tears of gratitude for my woman tribe, sexy monks, vagina talk, poetry, and general real-realness.

Listen to LIGHT WORK Episode #1 on iTunesSpotify, or Stitcher.

 

.  .  .  .  .

 

And now, a word from our sponsor… me!

I want to go deep into this conversation about creating Fulfilling Friendships. I’ve got lots to say about engaged listening, self respect, breaking up (when necessary), and celebrating our friend-loves. I’ve also got plenty of opinions and practices for self-compassion, deep spiritual devotion, healthier relationships with our damn phones, and better quality sleep. So…

LIGHTER, a year-long soul support program. This is 12 months of heart-mind nourishment. 12 months of intentionality. 12 months of connection and taking loving action––for yourself, your kin, humanity, and Mother Earth. Plus a few surprises.

At the core, LIGHTER is about drawing in more sacred, more sanity… and less of everything else. My fervent prayer is that by the end of the year we’ll have gotten the fuck off our phones to:

… be in Deeper Devotion with Self and with Spirit;
… have more Fulfilling Friendships; and
… celebrate ourselves for practicing all the new load-lightening habits that we’ve wanted to cultivate for, like, everrr.

It starts in May 2018. Everything about it lives HERE, with more info being added as we get closer. My people, you are heartbreakingly beautiful. Go do right by Love. Do the Light Work.

All light,
Danielle

 

.  .  .  .  .

 

LINK LOVE
Light Workers mentioned in this episode…

  • Steph Corker is passionate about uncovering people’s true potential. She co-runs The Corker Co, a leading recruitment company, and is an 17-time Ironman finisher.

  • Kate Northrup is the creator of the Do Less Experiment, and author of Money: A Love Story.

  • Anne Davin is a licensed psychotherapist and coach who helps women turn the knowledge they already have into embodied wisdom.

  • Michelle Pante is the cofounder of Willow: Inspired End of Life Planning to help “light up your life and connect you with who and what matter most.”

  • Dolly Hopkins is a Vancouver-BC-based event planner + Creative Architect who “changes the landscape through celebration”.

  • Lee-Anne Ragan is the founder of Rock Paper Scissors specializing in cross-cultural, communications, team building, evaluation, and conflict resolution training.

  • Hiro Boga is a mentor and guide for visionary entrepreneurs and author of To Be Soul, Do Soul.

  • Carrie-Anne Moss is founder of Annapurna Living and an actress, seeker, and storyteller.

  • Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and transformation coach and founder of the Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp.

  • Christina Platt is founder of Bamboletta dolls: impeccably natural, locally handcrafted, ethically sourced kid companions.

  • Dr. Deb Kern is a nurse, health educator, physical trainer and Ph.D health scientist focused on women’s divinity and empowerment.

  • Chela Davison is one of the most sought after Integral Coaches in the business.

RELEVANT BOOKS

MUSIC

 

 

Need more? Read, watch, listen.

Need more? Read, watch, listen in...

Get more. Now.
+

Pin It on Pinterest