What is desire?

An evolutionary impulse.

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The difference between being "detached" and "non-attachment." And why it matters for getting what you want.

Many spiritual teachings instruct us to be detached from the outcomes that we’re going after. There’s merit to that, but there’s a really important, sanity-saving distinction to make. It’s the difference between detachment and non-attachment. And it’s a big difference.

Detachment is hard on your heart — and it actually creates blocks to what you want. Non-attachment, on the other hand, is actually nourishing, and much easier to put into practice.

DETACHED is rigid; a bit chilly, a tad cranky; like an uptight intellectual, cut off from his/her heart. And here’s the thing, detachment is often a cover up for fear — fear of not getting what you want. Detachment is defending itself against disappointment — which is why it’s a bit bitchy.

There’s another way of wanting that’s both rational and faith-fuelled: Non-attachment.

NON-ATTACHMENT is open and spacious. It can hold your intense longing, and it can hold possibility. Non-attachment knows that some things take time, that you have to meet the universe half way, that free will is the guiding force, and that anything is possible.

As Michael Beckwith said to me, “Detached is, ‘I’m not playing anymore. I’m taking my ball and going home.’ Whereas non-attached is ‘I’m playing full-out, but I’m not attached to an outcome.’” Ya, THAT.

I’m a student of desire. I tried detached, I tried the chilly side of Buddhism, I even tried cynicism for a hot minute. But the desire fuels me. And the non-attachment is the oxygen that fans my creative flames.

I’ve looked at wanting from so many angles. I’ve talked to hundreds and hundreds of people about what they want and how they’re going after it. There’s so much mystery left to explore, but I know this in my bones:

You’ve got to want what you want with all your heart. Not just half of your heart, not kinda, not if there’s proof, or if it’s easy, or if the funding is there, or if the timing is perfect. Nu-huh. No halves. Connected to your heart — not detached from it.

Give it all you got, and then… let it go. Let it go up to the Milky Way to be worked on. Let it come back with an answer, a gold nugget, a breakthrough, an alternative, a home.

Let there be space between you and your wish so fulfillment can pour in. tweet



Pinning for your love. Take a moment to say thank you & remember what's most important: Feeling good.

You know that gift giving is a sacred opportunity, but this season’s about so much more than things. Enter: Pinterest. If you haven’t noticed, I adore Pinterest. Swimming in those visuals feels like I’m watering my dreams. I’m hooked.

So here are two simple but powerful Pinterest holiday challenges for you.

1. Create a GRATITUDE Pinterest board.

gratitude pinterest board

Gratitude vibrates very close to the frequency of miracles. It will exalt you from the shit of despair to life-sustaining bliss. I have a GRATITUDE board  where we collect these pretty graphics that you’re making with my Graphic Maker tool.

So, write down what you’re grateful for this holiday season, and pin it or share via Instagram or Facebook. Tag it with #desiremap and we will add it to our board. Don’t limit yourself to just posting this graphic. Add whatever else cultivates the feeling of gratitude for you: Balinese sunsets, dark chocolate, that look in your love’s eyes, cashmere. Pin it.

2. Create a “How do I want to FEEL this holiday?” Pinterest board.

holiday pinterest board

Like mine, here. Because it’s fun. And ya, feeling good is the whole point.


I want this question to stop you in your tracks. (And Michael Franti & I want you to do it for the love.)


Two quick stories about two football players:

I was having a great conversation with Rev. Michael Beckwith (it’s hard NOT to have a great conversation with him). And we were talking about reaching a hard-won goal and feeling…empty.

“A couple years ago,” Rev. Michael started, “there was a quarterback that won the Super Bowl. After his interview wrapped, and he thought the camera was off (it wasn’t,) he said, “Is this all there is?” He was supposed to be like, “We won the Super Bowl, man!” But… “Is this all there is?”

I shared my footballer story: “So…hunky star athlete is at the awards banquet, and he’s getting his trophy and applause, and he realizes in the moment: ‘All I really wanted was my dad to love me.’ And then — and this is really cool — he had the awareness to take it a step further, ‘What would I have done differently if I knew that what was driving me was just wanting my dad to love me?’”

So here’s the question for you. And it’s a big one. It could shatter some illusions. It might lead you to quit, or course-correct, or just knock some shit right off your plate. You might want to burn something DOWN. Or you could swell with soul-satisfaction, the nourishing kind of pride, the pulse of your core desire feelings the comfort of being in tandem with your heart beat, beating out to the universe with such sincerity. Here:

Why are you doing it?

Why? … the work… the projects… the places… the worship… the people… the living… the shopping… the reading, listening, watching… the time… the giving… the inviting… the caring… the carrying… the praying… the staying… the making.

Why ya doing it?

Give yourself space to hear beautiful life-affirming certainty cross your mind. If you’re doing what you’re doing because you it makes you feel alive, sexy, free, radiant, strong, useful, close to your God … then claim that with the deepest yes. If you’re doing what you’re doing because it’s basically, pragmatically what needs to be done for now — then own how rock-solid responsibility can feel. If you’re doing it for approval… from anyone… other than yourself…Why?

And now we turn to another Michael — Michael Franti — for a prayer. Sing along if you want:

Here’s what my mama said
Do it for the love, not for the money
Not for the guns and not for the honeys
Do it ‘cause it makes you feel alive
Like the way we rockin’ on Saturday night
Do it for the love of it, do it for the smell of it
Do it for the joy and the taste and the hell of it
Do it ‘cause you love it and it makes no sense
Not yens or euros or dollars or cents

. . . . . . .



You get the truth, we donate $10 bucks.
Michael Franti and his lady love, Sara Agah, created the DO IT FOR THE LOVE FOUNDATION — “a global nonprofit wish granting foundation that brings people living with life-threatening illnesses, children with severe challenges, and wounded veterans to live concerts. Through the healing power of music, the goal is to inspire joy, hope, and lasting celebratory memories in the face of severe illness or trauma.” #TeamDanielle is ALL for it.

We’ll give $10 of every #Truthbomb Deck purchased this week (Wednesday, December 10 to Saturday, December 13, 12am PST) to the DO IT FOR THE LOVE FOUNDATION. Let’s light up some precious lives with music.

Love sounds like music, doesn’t it?






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