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the euphoria of admitting when it sucks

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Some very cool things happen when I’m jamming with my clients. Ah-a’s, elevated perspectives, connections. But my favourite phenomenon is when someone decides, with a nudge, to give up on what’s not working.

Throw in the towel. Close shop. Call it quits. In the last month or so, I’ve witnessed two store closings, three blog unpluggings, two staff fires, three complete re-namings of brands, and some serious slashing of product lines. YES! Making way for success!

Here’s the thing about defining fulfillment on your own terms:

You don’t have to have a storefront to be a wildly successful retailer. You don’t have to get up early in the morning to beat the competition. You don’t have to keep staff who are slagging because you’re a humanitarian or unionized (besides, cutting someone loose so they can go hone their truer talents and bliss is profoundly humane.) If it’s not working, you get to give it up – quickly, just like that.

Quitting is a form of enlightenment, I tell ya.

Yes, success is gritty business. You’ve got to hustle your bustle. You’ve got to eat intensity Wheaties for breakfast.

But there’s a difference between happy rigor and inane slogging. Slogging doesn’t work. It just doesn’t.

You can’t plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.

I hear this time and again, “If I just hang in longer… Maybe she’ll come up to speed. It might sell in the summer. If I dig deeper, I’ll learn to love Excel.” Fess up – it ain’t workin’. You’re smart to see it. You’re brilliant if you move on.

Indicators of when it simply is not working:

  1. You use “it sucks” in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.
  2. You “drag your ass” to it.
  3. Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday.)
  4. Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow.)
  5. The bleak absence of synchronicity.
  6. Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.
  7. Your mother is your best customer.
  8. Seething resentment.

The clues are so generic that we just plow them over with duty and ego and fear of totally flopping. But vitality is a sensation, and it requires a sensitivity to signals and surroundings – and the courage to flow and shout and stomp your feet in sync with the signals of life.

Don’t worry about how you’re going to fix what’s broke. Just notice what sucks with ruthless honesty.

It’ll be a momentary rush when you do. You might even feel a strange sense of elation. I Know It Sucks Euphoria. And when you’re high on the truth, you’ve got a new vantage point of where to go next. Turn the lights off when you leave. Announce your new destination.

 


 

Share it with light lovers who can relate xo

Tweet it out:

Quitting is a form of enlightenment.

You can’t plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.

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Infidelity, sisterhood, and self-respect either way. #Lemonade and Love.

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When I was married I told my then husband that if he cheated on me I might still stick around. Getting through that kind of betrayal would take a miracle, and I would have wanted to create forgiveness and get to the other side of it, together make lemons out of lemonade n’ all. We stuck it out for a long time and by the end of that relationship, I had a very different stance on infidelity. If necessary, the lemon tree would have to be chopped down. (I explain why in the video post.)

Enter the profound artwork that is Beyoncé’s Lemonade. I bow. As a White woman, Lemonade made me almost want to avert my gaze to honour the pain that only belongs to Black women. Hands folded I say, I respectfully can’t relate to that specific pain, and I hurt for you.

And, there’s so much common ground…

As women,
as humans,
as beings with hearts that can break,
and with tempers that can break other hearts.

I’ve got a lot of thoughts about infidelity in particular — which is at the heart of Lemonade. In committed relationships you bleed, you sweat, you change. You contort, love, fuck, and devote to something sacred if you want it to be sacred, that is.

A lot of relationships are actually just transactional, half-agreements.
That’s as sad as it sounds.

In this video check-in: My feelings about infidelity, monogamy and commitment and how they’ve evolved over time. How I define Divine Fidelity a la David Deida’s 3 stages of relationships. And my deep respect for Beyonce’s art and every woman’s choice of devotion.

To the fidelity of love & self-respect for all.

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A new friend of mine, Esther Perel, just wrote a beautiful article analyzing Lemonade. Read her piece on Salon here.


 

Sing it with your sisters! xo

Tweet it out:

A lot of relationships are actually just transactional, half-agreements.

To the fidelity of love & self-respect

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the women determined to restore the divine to where it has been pummeled out of memory,

where denial is so calcified that our beauty is last to be seen in economics and science and law
laws that are too small for what our bodies know to be true.

The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the dark, the spacious, the sweet, the jaded, the women who live as certain as light rays,  
who renovate broken boardrooms and policies with justified anger and overwhelming Love —
Love of inclusion, of ecology, of bone solid Truth — Love of Love.

For those who do not have a Yes, I will share mine.  
Because, I can be radiant with my power — from the erotic to the cash.
I can fight my pain in public, choose my lovers, work my genius into shelter and endless comforts.
I am free to heal and so I must braid myself to
those whose bodies are stolen, where mine has always been free;
whose ideals cannot even be whispered, where mine have been invited…
The most powerful possible Yes to these women.

For the women who use privilege like a drug, for the ones so wounded that they wound,
for the the ones who squander their influence because it’s too much work to come down and meet the pain of the world…
we need to gift the most powerful possible Yes to these women

ALL WOMEN

The elders, the curanderas, the suffragettes, the midwives of children and art and culture,
the ones we call slut and Saint and CEO —
Sisters
all with a voice to say:

We will fund it ourselves.
It’s better when it’s beautiful.
No means no.
I see you, and I love what I see.
Come, rest.
and then…Let’s dance.
We’re in this together,

all with a voice to say:
Feelings are facts.
Trust is a milestone
And Compassion is a strategy.

And that is the most powerful possible Yes a woman can give.

 


 

Women! Share it with the women! xo

Tweet it out:

The most powerful possible Yes to women

Feelings are facts. Trust is a milestone. And Compassion is a strategy

Click to Pin the image to the right, or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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