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What needs to change? (And how to look at what sucks in your life without criticizing yourself.)

Danielle-LaPorte-Want-To-Change-Free and clear

Heyyyy. Freedom Fighters. Actually, I don’t love the term “Fighter”. Maybe “Crusaders” is better. Or “Lovers”. Let’s go With Freedom Lovers…

Dear Freedom Lovers,

This week’s Free and Clear exercise could be a bit of a downer, especially on top of all of the tragic things happening on the planet. But we need to see the muck we’re in so we can resolve to find a way out of it. Or through it.

You’re going to look at what you want to change in your life. That typically implies dissatisfaction. Sometimes, it’s been a long term, exhausting dissatisfaction. Serious fugh-ness. Or maybe it’s something that side-swept you and now you need to clean up the wreckage. Doing this kind of work is the difference between suffering and relief, mediocrity and real pleasure. Looking at this stuff directly is how you go from stuck and befughled (new word) to…Free and Clear.

There’s a layer of psychological refinement that we’re adding to this. You’re going to look at what needs to change WITHOUT laying a guilt or judgement trip on yourself (or anyone else). You’re observing, not criticizing.

Criticism clouds your clarity.
Want to Change

Resist that destructive impulse and simply name what you’d like to change. It’s incredibly empowering to come from that “observer” position.

One more layer to this: Don’t concern yourself with how you’re going to fix what’s bothering you. That kind of thinking can come later. FIRST: get clarity around what sucks and what you want to shift. Here we go…

Get out your journal to do the exercises below. Or download your WANT TO CHANGE worksheet HERE.

 

Want to Change Worksheet

Danielle-LaPorte-Want-To-Change STEP 1Note: Don’t concern yourself here with being respectable or responsible. This is not the time for adulting. Just let it rip. AND…You can include personal AND world issues on this list. Whatever comes up for you.

This is a good time to recall what came up for you in the RETROSPECTION exercise from the first installment of Free and Clear. You’ve run through the HIGHLIGHTS of your last year. Now consider the LOWLIGHTS. That will point to what you want to change.

Answer any or all of these in any order:

In your life, what’s heavy, weighing you down, burdensome?
What do you fantasize about leaving or radically changing?
What have you bitched about on more than three occasions?
What would you love to never do again?
What are you tired of feeling, and what makes you feel that way?

Danielle-LaPorte-Want-To-Change STEP 2

There is no STEP 2 to “do”. Just sit with all of this for the next few days. Be with the discomfort, the muck, the frustration (and sometimes frustration can be a really invigorating emotion).

We’re not rushing in with a quickie little process on how to quickly change everything so you can quickly make everything better. Because that quickie shit never works. But more importantly…you might need to feel the power of your declaration. Maybe it’s the first time you articulated what and why something in particular needs to change. Great, hang out with that and let your psyche and your cells get the message.

It’s likely that whatever you want to shift has been bothering you for a while. It’s an annoying repetition. In which case, the impulse to FINALLY fix it is strong. In that case, hang out with the dissatisfaction for a bit longer and start having a good-bye conversation with it.

Dear Situation,
I’m getting ready to let you go. Thanks for teaching me a few things. I’m not sure how I’m going to fix this, but I’ve opened myself up for answers. Prepare for transformation.
Love and Clarity,
Powerful Me

We’re going to jam on this together. Live TODAY! HERE on Facebook at [12pm PST3pm EST].

Danielle-LaPorte-Want-To-Change

Facebook-LiveWe’ll dive into the “Want To Change” exercise. This innerwork could be how you go from stuck and suffering toFree and Clear.


With this kind of gorgeous clarity, manifestation becomes a super-charged process. And you can really put your Soul into your goals.

All Love,

danielle-signature1-copy

 

 

 


Before you go…

Tunes: Some tunes for your contemplations… 

  1. Ship to wreck, Florence
  2. Iron Sky, Paolo Nutini
  3. Speak Out, Marle Thomson (Live Acoustic)
  4. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper
  5. Traces of You, Anoushka Shankar
  6. River, Leon Bridges
  7. Blessed To Be Witness, Ben Harper
  8. Revolution, Simrit
  9. Only Love, Ben Howard

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY HERE: RIVERS TO REVOLUTIONS PLAYLIST

Even more: In case you’re slipping into self-judgment, I hope this helps:
Make changes without criticizing the past — your future will thank you for it.


 

Next up: STOP DOING. The STOP DOING LIST is one of my favourite things to do for myself every year. It’s a total rush. Prepare for liberation.

Tweet it out:

Criticism clouds your clarity.
Feel the power of your declaration. 

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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Examining our expectations and what it means to deeply let go.

Danielle-LaPorte-Free-and-Clear-Letting-Go

Sweet Seekers! (As in, fellow humans looking for lightness and direction-refinement…)

Here’s your second installment of Free & Clear. (Last week was RETROSPECTION). This week’s theme: LETTING GO AND EXPECTATIONS.

Sometimes the letting-go process feels really sexy and empowering. Burn it! Nix it! Bye! And sometimes, we want to hold on (grip, cuddle, cling) to things. What if I need it? If I polish it up, then can I keep it? But I worked so hard on this…

There are times to get amped up and “just let that shit go.” But letting go usually involves other people, or hopes that we’ve carried a long time, and letting go can be connected to our livelihood. If you’re a loving, mindful creature (which you are, because you’re reading this), then letting go is typically entangled with some considerations. Because you care — about others, and your mental health.

Whether you need to perform major surgery on your commitments, or you need to just blow some shit up and walk away.

Healthy letting go requires mindfulness.
So let’s really feel and think this through to get you free and clear.

THIS EXERCISE…goes deeper.

This week we’re going to open a door that’s easy to miss when we want to clean out what’s holding us back. We’re going to examine what it FEELS like to let go of stuff. Not WHAT we’re getting rid of or changing, but the sensation (ecstasy? terror?) of releasing and changing. And it turns out that those emotions are very wrapped up in expectations. Danielle-LaPorte-Free-and-Clear-Letting-Go-1

This exercise is not about making fast, high-pressure decisions about overhauling your entire life in five steps. This is much more fluid and abstract. I’m just asking you to consider how some behaviours feel. We want to point light on our subconscious so that our decisions — when it comes time to make them — are much more conscious.

We’re going to go at this from two directions. One: Your Expectations. Two: What you hold dear to you. Get out your journal to do the exercises below.

Or download your LETTING GO worksheet HERE. 

 

Free and Clear Let Go

Free and Clear Letting Go

We need to work from the inside, out. So let’s start with the hugely emotional, proudly powerful, often tragically unexamined territory of expectations. Shall we?!

STEP 1: WORD WARM UP

What’s your definition of the term “expectations”? What do you associate it with?

STEP 2: YOUR EXPECTATIONS

(Go with the first thought that comes to mind.) What expectations do you currently have of…

  • Yourself:
  • Your important relationship #1:
  • Your important relationship #2:
  • Your community (work or societal or both):
  • Life (your Creator, God, support system):

STEP 3: A WILD CONSIDERATION

How would you feel if you let those expectations go? I’m not suggesting that you do. Just explore it. What would shift for you?

Something to consider:
It’s incredibly hard to NOT have expectations. Expectations are part of human desire. And… excessive expectations will block your fulfillment because life will never be able to meet your demands or fantasies that come from scarcity. And…holding on to expectations with desperate or demanding energy will drain the sweet fuck out of you. And then you end up too brittle and tired to magnetize anything to you — or enjoy it if you do get what you want.

Free and Clear

STEP 1: STUFF + LIFESTYLE

In terms of your stuff (material possessions) and your lifestyle (adventure, freedom, education, time, interests) what do you hold most precious?

Scan your home, all that you own, etc. Then, review your schedule, your hobbies, your career, your favourite activities and the perks of your life and identify your Most Precious Things. (i.e. your phone, car, heirlooms, favourite boots, most expensive sweater, art work, your house, your vacations, all of your air mile points, your stellar reputation, your free time, your network of amazing professionals, your summer, the money in your rainy day account, your highly curated music collection, your make-up, your purse, your best winter coat, your bed, your website…)

What would give you acute panic to part with? What are you loath to let go of? What do you think that you could not live without?

STEP 2: GIVE IT AWAY

Imagine giving away your Most Precious Thing(s). Not just going without it for a little while, but actually giving it away to other people — for them to enjoy and benefit from. How do you feel?

Imagine giving away hundreds of your Most Precious Thing(s). They would have it and you wouldn’t. Imagine giving it away freely. With a smile. To anyone and everyone.

How does that feel? Terrifying? Heavy with guilt? Panicky? Pissed right off? Energizing? Relieved?

This could bring up a dozen different intense emotions. There’s no right or wrong “result” with this contemplation. Maybe it touches on your longing, your wounds of inadequacy, addictions. Maybe it fills you with gratitude or a feeling that so much more is possible.

You may rifle through the list of “precious things” and see what you would NEVER part with. You might realize that what’s most important to you has never been named.

Without all the stuff, and the perks, and the things that you’ve worked for…what’s your most Precious Thing? (Hint: You, and what only you can give to the world.)

We’re going to jam on this together. Live TODAY! HERE on Facebook at [12pm PST3pm EST].

Free and Clear Facebook Live

Facebook-LiveWe’ll analyze what needs to stay and what needs to go, and get you closer to… Free & Clear.


Let Go.
 Because in the chaos-crazy times, we need to question what’s worked, what hasn’t, and how we’re going to create something better — for ourselves and each other. Clarity is power.

All Love,

danielle-signature1-copy

 

 

 


Before you go…

Book recos:

Tunes: Some tunes for your contemplations… 

  1. Kingdom Come, Raury
  2. Coming Home, Leon Bridges
  3. Sisters of Mercy, Serena Ryder
  4. Landslide, Antony
  5. Ascension, Maxwell
  6. For You, Angus & Julia Stone
  7. You Can’t Always Get What You Want, The Rolling Stones

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY HERE: SWEET LETTING GO PLAYLIST


 

Around the corner: The theme for the next edition of FREE & CLEAR will be: Want to Change. (You know you want to.)

Tweet it out:

Healthy letting go requires mindfulness.
Expectations are part of human desire.

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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Resources for emotional trauma support for you and people you love.

A beloved member of our team was at the concert in Las Vegas on October 1, 2017, at which a mass shooting claimed the lives of 59 people (including the terrorist shooter), and wounded nearly 500 others. Vic was not wounded by the bullets. She is resilient and brave-hearted, and it’s an honour to rally for her emotional healing.

Following are the various healing modalities and forms of support that we all have gathered in short order. We’re so moved by the outpouring of offerings of all kinds of healing and support for Vic. We’ve all been deeply affected in both challenging and life-affirming ways.

Team D offers this with love and deep faith in everyone’s capacity to transform pain into healing.

Power to the peaceful. xo

 

PRAYER and PERSPECTIVE
We focused our collective energy immediately. I sent out this email the morning after we heard the news:

This is prayer rally time. Today we all need to light candles. One for Vic, one for EVERYONE involved in the situation.

Take at least four+ minutes to stream very very gentle white light to Vic’s whole being. Stream it from your heart. Hold her nervous system in your healing energy. Pray for the trauma energy to stay fluid, not stuck. Use words like: gentle, loving, healing, grace, deeply held, safe, caring, and more healing healing. Send healing  every time you hear about this, you think of Vic and the situation, or you look at that candle throughout the day.

Just like being physically impacted, the sooner you get healing to the system, the quicker the whole system heals. Immediate attention mitigates the long-term impact.

This is a close call and it’s every kind of right and appropriate to weep. Feel the impact, feel our hurting team-family member. Let it all be felt. And see clear and stay bright in love and life. This is the Light of light workers. The Light will always win over dark. People will heal, we all get stronger and more able to work for justice, and elevating humanity, and healing, and Love.

There is tremendous sickness swirling on the planet. So much pain to meet. We will meet it together, with our SANITY, our Faith, our love for life, and each other.

TAPPING – EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE
In addition to connecting with a psychologist, we booked an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) session for Vic right away. She said it was incredibly helpful for identifying the intense emotions that were coming up.

Some of us listened to this this tapping meditation from Jessica Ortner — it’s for everyone who feels the effects of terrorism and cultural conflict (which is most of us right about now,) and wants to release the fear and move into gratitude for the life they have. It’s beautiful.

PLANT & FLOWER ESSENCES
Post Trauma Stabilizer
Soul Support Emergency Formula

BODY WORK
We sourced a chiropractor who uses the activator method, as well as a massage therapist and a Reiki practitioner.

MANTRAS
These mantras can be listened to as much as they give you comfort and played on repeat in your living space when you’re not there. Following are You Tube Links. They can also be purchased on iTunes.

Gayatri Mantra, from Deva Premal — for calming the mind and boosting immunity.
Green Tara Mantra, posted by Meditative Mind — for the blessings of protection.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT
If you’re an employer or friend or family member with the financial capacity, please consider gifting the person in your life who needs support with a lump sum of money to use for therapy and healing. In addition to the emotional support we can offer our loved ones, what they might also need is cash. Very few (next to zero) mental health or alternative medicine modalities are supported by “healthcare” provider coverage.

And even though the person affected by the tragedy may have money available to pay for support systems, they may not be in the habit of focused self-care. The cash support might be just the encouragement they need to book their appointments and create a healing regime.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT SPECIFICALLY FOR VICTIMS OF THE 2017 LAS VEGAS ATTACK
GoFundMe has raised substantial monies. You can track the disbursement plans HERE.

Victims of Crime, Nevada:
Here are the expenses they cover. Apparently qualifiers can get coverage up to $35,000 USD, and they cover “Mental Health Counseling”. Here’s how you apply. They have team members who can help with the application process.

Victim Services Las Vegas:
For information on victim services contact:
Janice Lucherini
2266 Civic Center Dr. N Las Vegas, Nevada 89030
Tel: (702) 633-1751
Email here

COMMUNITY and ONLINE SUPPORT SERVICES
National Support Groups and Websites
Grief Speaks has a comprehensive list of support groups and hotlines.
The Center for Complicated Grief has a directory of therapists and counsellors.

SOME POTENTIALLY COMFORTING IDEAS
The Goddess of Grief: getting to the other side. and there is always another side.
(an excerpt:) Grief crystallizes in your body. The medicine will get stuck in your muscle memory and joints. It needs to circulate and be digested. You have to dance grief to the surface. Stomp. Rock. Stretch. Move without your intellect getting in the way. Keep moving.

Are you feeling the “collective pain”? Here’s how to manage that…
(an excerpt:) A lot of us are experiencing our own personal pain AND tapping into global, collective pain at the same time. We’re marching, or emphatically not marching. We’re crying in the kitchen, out of the blue. We’re heavy with emotion by noon.

My loves, it’s critical that you let the pain move through you. You have to keep letting it go. And there’s no need to worry about being “too detached” from what’s going on. Because there’s new pain arriving daily. If you’re awake you will hurt. I’m with you…in profound agony over the state of the world. And…my faith and resolve are brighter than my doubt, and stronger than my grief.

Love,

 

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