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Examining our expectations and what it means to deeply let go.

Danielle-LaPorte-Free-and-Clear-Letting-Go

Sweet Seekers! (As in, fellow humans looking for lightness and direction-refinement…)

Here’s your second installment of Free & Clear. (Last week was RETROSPECTION). This week’s theme: LETTING GO AND EXPECTATIONS.

Sometimes the letting-go process feels really sexy and empowering. Burn it! Nix it! Bye! And sometimes, we want to hold on (grip, cuddle, cling) to things. What if I need it? If I polish it up, then can I keep it? But I worked so hard on this…

There are times to get amped up and “just let that shit go.” But letting go usually involves other people, or hopes that we’ve carried a long time, and letting go can be connected to our livelihood. If you’re a loving, mindful creature (which you are, because you’re reading this), then letting go is typically entangled with some considerations. Because you care — about others, and your mental health.

Whether you need to perform major surgery on your commitments, or you need to just blow some shit up and walk away.

Healthy letting go requires mindfulness.
So let’s really feel and think this through to get you free and clear.

THIS EXERCISE…goes deeper.

This week we’re going to open a door that’s easy to miss when we want to clean out what’s holding us back. We’re going to examine what it FEELS like to let go of stuff. Not WHAT we’re getting rid of or changing, but the sensation (ecstasy? terror?) of releasing and changing. And it turns out that those emotions are very wrapped up in expectations. Danielle-LaPorte-Free-and-Clear-Letting-Go-1

This exercise is not about making fast, high-pressure decisions about overhauling your entire life in five steps. This is much more fluid and abstract. I’m just asking you to consider how some behaviours feel. We want to point light on our subconscious so that our decisions — when it comes time to make them — are much more conscious.

We’re going to go at this from two directions. One: Your Expectations. Two: What you hold dear to you. Get out your journal to do the exercises below.

Or download your LETTING GO worksheet HERE. 

 

Free and Clear Let Go

Free and Clear Letting Go

We need to work from the inside, out. So let’s start with the hugely emotional, proudly powerful, often tragically unexamined territory of expectations. Shall we?!

STEP 1: WORD WARM UP

What’s your definition of the term “expectations”? What do you associate it with?

STEP 2: YOUR EXPECTATIONS

(Go with the first thought that comes to mind.) What expectations do you currently have of…

  • Yourself:
  • Your important relationship #1:
  • Your important relationship #2:
  • Your community (work or societal or both):
  • Life (your Creator, God, support system):

STEP 3: A WILD CONSIDERATION

How would you feel if you let those expectations go? I’m not suggesting that you do. Just explore it. What would shift for you?

Something to consider:
It’s incredibly hard to NOT have expectations. Expectations are part of human desire. And… excessive expectations will block your fulfillment because life will never be able to meet your demands or fantasies that come from scarcity. And…holding on to expectations with desperate or demanding energy will drain the sweet fuck out of you. And then you end up too brittle and tired to magnetize anything to you — or enjoy it if you do get what you want.

Free and Clear

STEP 1: STUFF + LIFESTYLE

In terms of your stuff (material possessions) and your lifestyle (adventure, freedom, education, time, interests) what do you hold most precious?

Scan your home, all that you own, etc. Then, review your schedule, your hobbies, your career, your favourite activities and the perks of your life and identify your Most Precious Things. (i.e. your phone, car, heirlooms, favourite boots, most expensive sweater, art work, your house, your vacations, all of your air mile points, your stellar reputation, your free time, your network of amazing professionals, your summer, the money in your rainy day account, your highly curated music collection, your make-up, your purse, your best winter coat, your bed, your website…)

What would give you acute panic to part with? What are you loath to let go of? What do you think that you could not live without?

STEP 2: GIVE IT AWAY

Imagine giving away your Most Precious Thing(s). Not just going without it for a little while, but actually giving it away to other people — for them to enjoy and benefit from. How do you feel?

Imagine giving away hundreds of your Most Precious Thing(s). They would have it and you wouldn’t. Imagine giving it away freely. With a smile. To anyone and everyone.

How does that feel? Terrifying? Heavy with guilt? Panicky? Pissed right off? Energizing? Relieved?

This could bring up a dozen different intense emotions. There’s no right or wrong “result” with this contemplation. Maybe it touches on your longing, your wounds of inadequacy, addictions. Maybe it fills you with gratitude or a feeling that so much more is possible.

You may rifle through the list of “precious things” and see what you would NEVER part with. You might realize that what’s most important to you has never been named.

Without all the stuff, and the perks, and the things that you’ve worked for…what’s your most Precious Thing? (Hint: You, and what only you can give to the world.)

We’re going to jam on this together. Live TODAY! HERE on Facebook at [12pm PST3pm EST].

Free and Clear Facebook Live

Facebook-LiveWe’ll analyze what needs to stay and what needs to go, and get you closer to… Free & Clear.


Let Go.
 Because in the chaos-crazy times, we need to question what’s worked, what hasn’t, and how we’re going to create something better — for ourselves and each other. Clarity is power.

All Love,

danielle-signature1-copy

 

 

 


Before you go…

Book recos:

Tunes: Some tunes for your contemplations… 

  1. Kingdom Come, Raury
  2. Coming Home, Leon Bridges
  3. Sisters of Mercy, Serena Ryder
  4. Landslide, Antony
  5. Ascension, Maxwell
  6. For You, Angus & Julia Stone
  7. You Can’t Always Get What You Want, The Rolling Stones

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY HERE: SWEET LETTING GO PLAYLIST


 

Around the corner: The theme for the next edition of FREE & CLEAR will be: Want to Change. (You know you want to.)

Tweet it out:

Healthy letting go requires mindfulness.
Expectations are part of human desire.

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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Resources for emotional trauma support for you and people you love.

A beloved member of our team was at the concert in Las Vegas on October 1, 2017, at which a mass shooting claimed the lives of 59 people (including the terrorist shooter), and wounded nearly 500 others. Vic was not wounded by the bullets. She is resilient and brave-hearted, and it’s an honour to rally for her emotional healing.

Following are the various healing modalities and forms of support that we all have gathered in short order. We’re so moved by the outpouring of offerings of all kinds of healing and support for Vic. We’ve all been deeply affected in both challenging and life-affirming ways.

Team D offers this with love and deep faith in everyone’s capacity to transform pain into healing.

Power to the peaceful. xo

 

PRAYER and PERSPECTIVE
We focused our collective energy immediately. I sent out this email the morning after we heard the news:

This is prayer rally time. Today we all need to light candles. One for Vic, one for EVERYONE involved in the situation.

Take at least four+ minutes to stream very very gentle white light to Vic’s whole being. Stream it from your heart. Hold her nervous system in your healing energy. Pray for the trauma energy to stay fluid, not stuck. Use words like: gentle, loving, healing, grace, deeply held, safe, caring, and more healing healing. Send healing  every time you hear about this, you think of Vic and the situation, or you look at that candle throughout the day.

Just like being physically impacted, the sooner you get healing to the system, the quicker the whole system heals. Immediate attention mitigates the long-term impact.

This is a close call and it’s every kind of right and appropriate to weep. Feel the impact, feel our hurting team-family member. Let it all be felt. And see clear and stay bright in love and life. This is the Light of light workers. The Light will always win over dark. People will heal, we all get stronger and more able to work for justice, and elevating humanity, and healing, and Love.

There is tremendous sickness swirling on the planet. So much pain to meet. We will meet it together, with our SANITY, our Faith, our love for life, and each other.

TAPPING – EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE
In addition to connecting with a psychologist, we booked an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) session for Vic right away. She said it was incredibly helpful for identifying the intense emotions that were coming up.

Some of us listened to this this tapping meditation from Jessica Ortner — it’s for everyone who feels the effects of terrorism and cultural conflict (which is most of us right about now,) and wants to release the fear and move into gratitude for the life they have. It’s beautiful.

PLANT & FLOWER ESSENCES
Post Trauma Stabilizer
Soul Support Emergency Formula

BODY WORK
We sourced a chiropractor who uses the activator method, as well as a massage therapist and a Reiki practitioner.

MANTRAS
These mantras can be listened to as much as they give you comfort and played on repeat in your living space when you’re not there. Following are You Tube Links. They can also be purchased on iTunes.

Gayatri Mantra, from Deva Premal — for calming the mind and boosting immunity.
Green Tara Mantra, posted by Meditative Mind — for the blessings of protection.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT
If you’re an employer or friend or family member with the financial capacity, please consider gifting the person in your life who needs support with a lump sum of money to use for therapy and healing. In addition to the emotional support we can offer our loved ones, what they might also need is cash. Very few (next to zero) mental health or alternative medicine modalities are supported by “healthcare” provider coverage.

And even though the person affected by the tragedy may have money available to pay for support systems, they may not be in the habit of focused self-care. The cash support might be just the encouragement they need to book their appointments and create a healing regime.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT SPECIFICALLY FOR VICTIMS OF THE 2017 LAS VEGAS ATTACK
GoFundMe has raised substantial monies. You can track the disbursement plans HERE.

Victims of Crime, Nevada:
Here are the expenses they cover. Apparently qualifiers can get coverage up to $35,000 USD, and they cover “Mental Health Counseling”. Here’s how you apply. They have team members who can help with the application process.

Victim Services Las Vegas:
For information on victim services contact:
Janice Lucherini
2266 Civic Center Dr. N Las Vegas, Nevada 89030
Tel: (702) 633-1751
Email here

COMMUNITY and ONLINE SUPPORT SERVICES
National Support Groups and Websites
Grief Speaks has a comprehensive list of support groups and hotlines.
The Center for Complicated Grief has a directory of therapists and counsellors.

SOME POTENTIALLY COMFORTING IDEAS
The Goddess of Grief: getting to the other side. and there is always another side.
(an excerpt:) Grief crystallizes in your body. The medicine will get stuck in your muscle memory and joints. It needs to circulate and be digested. You have to dance grief to the surface. Stomp. Rock. Stretch. Move without your intellect getting in the way. Keep moving.

Are you feeling the “collective pain”? Here’s how to manage that…
(an excerpt:) A lot of us are experiencing our own personal pain AND tapping into global, collective pain at the same time. We’re marching, or emphatically not marching. We’re crying in the kitchen, out of the blue. We’re heavy with emotion by noon.

My loves, it’s critical that you let the pain move through you. You have to keep letting it go. And there’s no need to worry about being “too detached” from what’s going on. Because there’s new pain arriving daily. If you’re awake you will hurt. I’m with you…in profound agony over the state of the world. And…my faith and resolve are brighter than my doubt, and stronger than my grief.

Love,

 

RETROSPECTION: Your first Q&A of FREE & CLEAR!

Desire-Map-Free-and-Clear

Dear Seeker…and freedom and clarity.

Helloooo! It’s Danielle. I want to say straight up, creating this has been one of my favourite projections all year. Anything that is about clarity…anything that I can get out online in a “lite” way…I just love this kind of making and relating.

Can we just jump in?

WEEK 1: RETROSPECTION

It’s amazing how easy it is to relinquish control of how we manage our time. It’s a deep issue. But we’re going to start with looking back at the last few months or year of your life. First, retrospection, to clear space to move forward.

As the keeper of your calendar you get to reflect on your “year” any time of the year, that you want. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the last week of December. It can be your birthday, Spring, Fall. THIS WEEK would be a good time. How about right now? (Nudgey nudge.) Right now would be a GREAT time. Let’s do it.

My sweet and always-determined friend Steph Corker laid this methodology on me when I needed to make a big pivot in my career. I had to make a decision that was going to affect the next few years of my creative focus. It was early Fall in the Western hemisphere. We were in a pub in Southern California after a business meeting had gone south. I was slightly confused but brimming with ideas. There was nowhere to go except toward clarity. But first…we had to rewind.

So it’s…deep-dive, rapid-fire retrospective time for you. Retropsective-worksheet

It’s really easy, because this is quick (but you can make it longer if you want to). Get out your journal to do the exercises below.

Or download your RETROSPECTION
worksheet 
HERE.

Free and Clear Danielle LaPorte

My main piece of guidance for this RETROSPECTIVE EXERCISE is don’t over-think it. Do it quickly for the first round (I suggest a time limit in the exercise). Write down whatever comes to mind, unimpeded, bam-bam-bam — you can always go back and refine your reflections if you want.

The truth surfaces faster without a filter.

Step 1: THE HIGHLIGHTS in 4 – 5 minutes

List the HIGHLIGHTS — the positive + fulfilling events and situations of your past year or some months. DO IT IN 4 to 5 MINUTES. Seriously. It’s fascinating to see what surfaces when you don’t filter it, hence the time pressure.

Step 2: PATTERN RECOGNITION

What pattern(s) do you see in your highlights list? What very obviously gave you joy? Was there a big or “Important” event that happened but it didn’t even make it onto your list? What does that say to you? (Forgetting or choosing to not put something “significant” on your list isn’t necessarily a negative thing, but it’s definitely worth analyzing.)

Step 2.5: OUTSIDE INPUT

This is optional but can be fun and useful. Have a good friend look over/hear out your list of highlights and ask them to point out what you may have missed, and what they see the patterns are.

Step 4: CONTEMPLATE WHAT REALLY MATTERED

Take a breather and really think about (and write about) what moved you the most, lit you up, felt like forward progress, delighted you, made you proud, thrilled and really mattered the most in terms of your joy and growth in your past year or season.

Step 5: THE FOCUS 5

Now here’s the point: Use last year’s fulfillment to guide your decisions for your near future. Because joy. Because…

When you’re living from your joy and working for meaningfulness, you are:

  1. WAY more healthy and effective.
  2. SO much more fun to be around (Hello love and magnetism).
  3. MUCH more able to make a contribution to the world around you.

You can look at it this way, in epic proportions: The planet needs you to be working from your joy. Humanity depends on you doing what’s meaningful to you. The future of civilization is counting on your fulfilling. No pressure. Here’s the micro perspective: you deserve to be lit up by what you do in the world. It’s your life.

Determine 5 things you want to focus on in the next year or phase of your life. (Easier said than done, but, focus is ESSENTIAL to your fulfillment.)

This doesn’t have to be a fixed list or a major commitment (though it could be if you want to make it that.) What would you LOVE to focus on? What would IDEAL look like?

As the Free & Clear program rolls out, there will be more opportunities to clarify and firm up your plans.

Side note: What you forget — or choose NOT to put on your highlight list, can be very revealing about what really, truly matters to you. When I first did this exercise, I completely forgot to write down that my business had the best fiscal year ever. Almost all of my highlights were about the people in my life, about the concerts I went to, and about my creative happiness –– the stuff that felt so good to make.

We’re going to jam on this together. Live TODAY! HERE on Facebook at [12pm PST3pm EST].

Free and Clear

Facebook-LiveI’ll tell you more about how I ended up in a pub confused but excited, and how you too can go from “WTF?!” to “Ohhhh, I know what I should do…”


Retrospect.
 The idea here is to see what lights you up, so that you can plan to feel-have-do and experience more of that in your life.

All Love,

danielle-signature1-copy

 

 

 

 

Before you go…

Ommm: If you want to get in a more contemplative headspace for this, here’s a lovely little audio called “Light Scanning”. It’s me guiding you to bring more light into your consciousness. You can play the contemplation FROM HERE.

Tunes: If you just want to groove while you do this retrospective, may I suggest Marvin Gaye’s Deluxe Edition of What’s Going On?

Even more: If you want to go deeper after you do this worksheet, there’s this extended perspective, aptly called: Your Deeper Year-In-Review


 

Around the corner: The theme for the next edition of FREE & CLEAR will be: Letting Go. (You know you want to.)

Tweet it out:

The truth surfaces faster without a filter.
CLARITY is EVERYTHING.

 

Click here to Pin or right click to download + share on Instagram.

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