Curatives for judgement. (Please read before you interact with other humans.)

“Have compassion for everyone you meet, even when they don’t want it. What seems conceit, bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone.”
– Miller Williams

He was rude. He cut you off in traffic. She’s aloof, cold, curt. He’s on the corner asking for a hand out. She lies. He’s money hungry. She’s grossly overweight. No one returned your phone call. They left without saying goodbye.

You might never know the why behind someone’s less-than-ideal, not-the-way-you-wish-it-was behavior.

Here’s a curative for the sharp judgement that often accompanies our disappointment in others — just a single, surprising expansive phrase: You just never know.

Use it before you jump to conclusions that someone’s a jerk, or that they need an attitude adjustment, or that they could be doing better than they are.

I’ve been to enough ridiculous self help workshops, heard enough stories in airport bars, and had enough one-on-one conversations about so-called “success” to know that there’s a story behind every demeanor. I’ve kept my own pain hidden in plain sight and thought, “If they only knew”. But you just never know…

You just never know if

: someone has just been diagnosed and is thinking about all they have to lose.
: their lover just texted them to say, “it’s over”.
: he wakes up every day thinking he’s about to fail, fearing that everyone else in the world knows something that he doesn’t.

You just never know if

: she’s in the middle of a divorce and is about to go on stage.
: before he was your driver, or your waiter, he was a doctor in his homeland.
: their spirit was fractured as a child by unspeakable things.
: she is frightened — all the time.
: he resists life itself — all the time.
: they are frail from lack of love.

You just never know if

: they’re faking loving the heart-hollowed life they fought so hard to make.
: chemicals are coursing through them in destabilizing ways.
: she hasn’t slept through the night in months and months.
: they’ve experienced a loss that will leave a gaping wound for the rest of this incarnation.
: today is especially hard and they’re doing their best, while they wish for just a little more than what they’ve got.

Suspend judgement as a practice of your faith in something true, common, and bigger than today.

Avoiding conclusions can be a monumental act of love.

 

related posts
456x456-Are you hanging by a thread?

Are you hanging by a thread?

It’s hard. It’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness. Or to see clearly. Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting. What you’re going through undeniably sucks. It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through and over this, you will thrive again…

456x456-in praise of women- magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

in praise of women: magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

Featured @2x 456x456 (17)

[VIDEO] Deep creativity and the jitters. Feel the doubt…and be of service anyway.

There’s a difference between the definition of happiness and the definition of joy. It’s valuable to be aware of this because when things get tough, logic might want you to default to despair, or utter sadness or worse, you might think you have to choose between hardship and joy, or support and separation, or light and dark…

Social 1 @2x

My SuperSoul100 brunch with Oprah (yep!) and support notes for all of you Lightworkers and generally progressive humans…

There’s a difference between the definition of happiness and the definition of joy. It’s valuable to be aware of this because when things get tough, logic might want you to default to despair, or utter sadness or worse, you might think you have to choose between hardship and joy, or support and separation, or light and dark…

Featured @2x 456x456 (16)

The difference between happiness & joy. And why it helps to know.

There’s a difference between the definition of happiness and the definition of joy. It’s valuable to be aware of this because when things get tough, logic might want you to default to despair, or utter sadness or worse, you might think you have to choose between hardship and joy, or support and separation, or light and dark…

Original-Self-Help-July-28-When-You’re-Done-Fighting-For-It

When you’re done fighting for it. The upside of finally giving up.

Do you know the story of the man who was hitting himself over the head with a hammer? “Why do you keep hitting yourself with that hammer?” a shocked passerby asked him. “Because,” the man replied, “it’s going to feel so good when I stop.”

Featured @2x 456x456 (14)

You will be called on to expand. And this is why we practice.

I travelled to Dharamshala, India with six friends to meet with The Dalai Lama. It was cell-altering and heart-expanding. The week before our arrival, there had been a horrible event in which some monks were murdered — most shockingly, by other monks. The story was on everyone’s mind and in our small, private meeting with His Holiness, the first thing we did was offer our condolences. His response captivated me…

Featured @2x 456x456 (12)

You’re going to feel guilty

The guilty feeling associated with desire, with going after what you want, with transforming….you know that feeling? It’s like tar on your mojo. Maybe you were raised in an environment where desire was considered a negative thing. Or your social circle constantly reinforces the message that you shouldn’t dare to bust out. And maybe you frequently feel guilty for wanting what you want — and you know that it’s causing blocks in your life…

Featured @2x 456x456 (11)

Love your sadness. It won’t last.

I was feeling it. Pure sadness — the inescapability of it plowing through the softest part of me. When you’re in that kind of painful place you’ll try to climb the walls to get away from it. You want it over with. “Love your sadness. It won’t last long.” A friend texted me late at night. I caught it just as I was turning off my bedroom light….

Featured @2x 456x456 (10)

refuse to worry (and how to be more useful for your friends)

Every fearful expectation has a big “story” behind it. The trauma, the drama, the pain, the plot. Worry feeds on the gruesome details. It replays the potential saga in your head. It validates all the reasons things could go wrong by drudging up the past again and again. Worry is cleverly building a case as to why you should worry…

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This