Eventually, you have to stop blaming your parents.

Eventually, you have to stop blaming your parents.

Nurture nature.

Hard done by, won by.

Inherited, genetic, prophetic, pathetic.

Too big, too little, too flat, too tight.

Domineered, engineered, relegated, antiquated.

Abandoned. Held too tight taking flight.

A shrink friend of mine said the most common pattern he saw in human behavior was that people didn’t start really living until their parents died. That’s a lot of lives only one third lived.

That plague-of-a-condition stymies us from breakthroughs and realizing astoundingly positive possibilities for humankind. It’s that serious.

You don’t need to chop down your family tree — tho’ sometimes liberation needs to be that sweeping, and you must claim your soul over blood to come fully into your life.

But most of us could just stop bitching about what we didn’t get when we were nine years old and how that conditioning is informing our current choices in lovers and bad investments. It may be helpful to keep this in mind most times: They were doing the best they could with what they had, and that’s that. Think of all the therapy money we’d save if we embraced that notion and got on with things.

Some people die never having grown up. They were men on the outside, but boys on the inside, running companies and nations, on a payback mission for what they never got. They were intelligent, hard-working women still seeking approval to go after their girlhood dreams. And they died waiting for the world to love them right.

Ceasing to blame your parents for your current reality doesn’t invalidate the heart brokenness or the tick you have in your psyche as a result. It just sets you free to make entirely different and wildly empowered choices for your life today.

Being a grown up is about the power to choose what you’re responsible for.

And you can choose to be radically responsible for who you are now.



related posts

What’s underneath wishful thinking?

Wishful thinking is tangled up with craving. We want what we want. So we ignore the evidence that we’re very likely not going to get what we want out of a situation. Craving… wishing. Craving… denial. Craving… tolerating. It’s a wishous cycle.


Don’t worry about being invited back. My Manifesto for Creativity.

Meaningfulness. Reveal myself. Be compassionate. Don’t worry about being invited back. Go there. xo. I jotted this down when I began writing my book. I wanted a manifesto and it had to happen quickly because…I had a book to write.


Life is what happens on the way to the finish line.

If you’re not loving what it feels like between your various life destinations, then get off the ride. Burn the itinerary. Fuck “motivation” and be still long enough to find your inspiration.


Let the Love in. Because, “It’s an honour to help you.”

I was in a spiritual tizzy — that’s an esoteric term for 80% emotions-running-wild, and 20% having faith that everything will work out. I can’t remember what it was over (probably divorce papers, or a publishing contract, or buying a house. But it involved documents and beaucoup emotion.)


What to do after you have a breakthrough. (You’re going to shrink after you expand, so, listen closely.)

Threshold, crossed. You got there. After the grinding, the repetitive strain, the cord-cutting, the screams of release, the bliss of relief — the training paid off. Muscle burn got you across the finish line. Soul fire resurrected you. BREAKTHROUGH.


Why jerks show up in your life.

We attract jerks to burn karma — old agreements to be broken in current time, vows to be rescinded, slates to be wiped clean. We attract jerks for contrast — jerks show us what deception and manipulation feels like. They show us how we DON’T want to feel — which is excellent intel for knowing how we DO want to feel.

Featured @2x 456x456 (20)

The epidemic of the brittle woman and the salvation of softness

You know her. Maybe you are her. Or you were. Sisters, please don’t become her. Sisters (and brothers), let’s heal her. She’s giving up on love and life. Sometime, as a result of having to try too hard to get her very essential Soul needs met she… just… got… worn…down. She had no choice but to stiffen. Then she realized that she had a choice.

Featured @2x 456x456 (19)

5 pointers for developing freedom-based creativity & work habits. Which is to say, you’ve got to dissolve guilt and rock your own rhythm.

A note on CREATIVE FLOW…. I’m “working” today. Wasn’t planning on it. It’s a sunny, gorgeous Vancouver Sunday. But since my kid is running around the block with his neighbour buddies, I’m using this time to write, respond, vision.

456x456-Are you hanging by a thread?

Are you hanging by a thread?

It’s hard. It’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness. Or to see clearly. Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting. What you’re going through undeniably sucks. It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through and over this, you will thrive again…

456x456-in praise of women- magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

in praise of women: magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This