I received this note from a Desire Mapper:
“A lover just asked me point blank: ‘What do you expect of me [in a relationship]?’ I was honestly stumped. Said I had to think about it. I instantly thought of The Desire Map asking: What (specifically) do you desire in your partnership?”
Expectations and your core desired feelings are going to collide, naturally. Some days it will be like a cosmic tango, and what you desire and what you’re getting is in sexy rhythm. Other times, what you want to feel and what’s being offered aren’t even in the same room.
So when a lover asks, “What do you expect of me in this relationship?” You could answer with something like:
“Well, my core desired feelings in life — and this relationship is key in my life — are, [let’s say] Connected, Intentional, Nourished, Blissful, Creative.”
And you could leave it at that — this alone is a revolutionary act of intimacy and adventure. To declare you most craved feelings is a very big deal. You could put your desired feelings out there and see how your partner wants to creatively interpret them — let them love you in their own way.
Maybe to help you feel Nourished, they run out for banana bread on Sunday mornings (gluten free, even!). And that soooo makes you feel Nourished. Or maybe their idea of being nourishing is to call you mid-day to check in — and that is just the vitamin your heart needs.
You might want to give your partner some ideas about what would generate your CDFs for you.
(A lot of men appreciate getting specifics like this because they WANT to please you by getting it right. Clues are keys to success.)
“I feel really Connected when you look me in the eyes after we kiss. You don’t have to linger, I know you need to get to work, but that eye contact before you dash would make me feel closer to you.”
“I feel really Blissed out when walk around the lake together.”
“To really feel Intentional in my life and our relationship, I’d love it if we got some date nights on the calendar.”
Declare. Hint. Or specify.
To Love made known!
Something desire-related on your mind? Share/ask/express it HERE.