Here’s a story about remembering what it feels like to be seen, and tapping into your inner super model, by Caroline White.
I’ve always considered myself a somewhat practical person, but also I am just a teensy bit of a wild child… I recently realized that I have forgotten – even pushed down – the need to feel beautiful and pretty. Beauty being so multi-dimensional, so open, so je ne sais quois…I feel one can conjure a feeling of beauty just by breathing, by looking, by imagining… But for oneself to feel pretty…this is a more earthly endeavor, often involving time and/or money, and being that part of my job is to make others look and feel pretty, I just always thought there is no need for me to be or feel that.
See, I’m not much of a girly girl. And I am even proud of this fact. I like to get dirt under my nails and twigs in my shoes. I like to paint stuff, and I like to peel and pick my manicures on DAY ONE (yeah…so I’ve only had like maybe 10 my whole life…). I still climb trees on a surprisingly regular basis. However, this abandoned and much neglected Desire to Feel Pretty started to rear it’s head…
And I reared BACK with a new healthy and exercise regime (and a break up of course!). But that wasn’t enough. I needed to BE and feel seen as Beautiful AND Pretty – through someone else’s eyes – through the world’s eyes – through the truthful eye of the lens (and without photoshop).
I hadn’t been photographed myself in years, and BOY was it enlightening being back on the other side! No doubt every shoot in front of the camera makes me a better photographer – but this one felt different. (My first shoot in my 30s? My first shoot after becoming a “success”? My response to some negative comments from a dumb man/boy about my body…Who knows…)
I was smacked in the face by just how amazing, how loud and vivid and tumultuous the thoughts can be, when being photographed… I felt so weird and dumb and silly… But I kept going, and then…it all CLICKED and I found my Inner Supermodel.
And here’s the thing: I truly believe that EVERYONE has their own inner supermodel, waiting within them, whether just below the surface or deeply buried over the decades. It’s the part of you that is in LOVE with yourself, enamored, confident with ease, joyful, like a playful child, that knows and likes your best self, and sexy like a mature Lionness in heat – and yes – even experimental and very creative and risk taking – unapologetic – with a GREAT EYE and great taste… maybe with a bit of a taste even for a little controversy… a reverence for Great Classic Style – and the urge to create new styles unique to you but that are somehow still iconic, engaging, daring…
Caroline’s Core Desired Feelings:
Passion, Connection, Powerful, SWOOSH (like an adventurous and creative in-the-moment sort of fun, often involving speed or wind)
What is a desired feeling you’ve lost and found again? Share your thoughts in the comments below.