What are your core desired feelings?
As a couple, our CDFs are:: abundance, acceptance, empowered.
What are you doing this week or lately to generate your core desired feelings?
We busted through our 2104 budget with feelings of abundance. We kicked up our dating allowance enough that we could actually do some fun things with one another. We got clear on how we wanted to create abundance in our life and our finances – more play money, weekly dates, monthly double dates and dinners out. We had to sacrifice a couple of things here and there, but in the end? We knew that these things wouldn’t help us feel the way we want to feel.
What lightbulb went off for you when you started to look at how your feelings related to how you did your life/work?
I’d just finished The Desire Map and had a complete mental breakdown. Nothing in my relationship was what I wanted. It wasn’t benefiting me at all. I wasn’t benefiting Kevin. Our lives; our separate lives, were a hot mess.
The laughs, dreams, wishes, stories – they were all buried. We were on opposite ends of the universe and, at the rate we were going, were headed to splitsville fast. That, or we’d be the next pair in a long line of others to become the poster children for cheap easy – out living lies day by day and resenting each other until death do us part.
After reading The Desire Map (by myself) I knew that meaty, delicious goals needed to happen all up in our relationship.
We needed to have purpose, strength and meaning. We needed to get the fire back, light it up, inject our lives with awesome. We had to Desire Map… together.
When you got clear on your CDFs were there any goals that you were chasing that fell to the way side? Did new or different goals/intentions emerge?
Kevin got home and I approached him with an idea, “Let’s go to Quebec City. Road trip. You love those.” He agreed.
We got in the car, I inconspicuously queued up The Desire Map on my iPhone and away we went.
The drive there – book one. We paused with each section and sliced apart every topic. We flipped them inside and out, tossed them about, argued a little, collaborated a little, it felt good. Our conversations had a bit more pep, more jazz, juice, they were amped.
The drive home – book two. We created our lists and feelings together. When a word resonated with both of us, we moved forward. If we got stuck it was because we were getting fixated on personal gains and not on the advancements we could make together.
Seven days after, we had completed our core desired feelings. The feelings we wanted to experience together. They haven’t changed since.
What’s a goal that you’re focusing on this year?
Kevin and I got engaged in July! So, we’re focusing on creating a celebration that’s so, totally us and in line with our CDFs. We ended up going “cheap” on the celebration and going all out for our honeymoon… in line with our abundance CDF.
What’s not working that you want to change?
Our communication could always be better. We constantly work on it with each other.
What are you feeling really grateful for?
People in our lives that love us, unconditionally. To be back home, in Alberta, has been a blessing.
Feel free to riff on anything Desire Map related. Insights, quotes, imagery. Whatever moves you. Or not.
Can you speak a bit about how knowing each other’s CDFs helps your relationship? Perhaps, how it helps you be more loving, or more patient. Do you specifically think about how to help each other feel what they’re wanting to feel? Run with it in any way you like…
We use our combined CDFs to improve our relationship. If Kevin comes to me with a new invention or business idea (he’s quite the innovative man), I remind myself that he wants to feel empowered when we have those sorts of discussions. When I have had a long day, and am stressed, Kevin doesn’t react coldly, instead he accepts me for where I’m at and allows me to vent.
Having our combined CDFs have literally transformed our relationship. We accept each other, we encourage each other and live in abundance each and every day! It’s quite beautiful.