When gratitude is harmful.

Mondo disclaimer: I believe intensely in the power of Gratitude (note: capital G). If I were to have a religion (that’s never going to happen, but if it did), it would be Gratitude. Practice gratitude — really practice it, and it will exalt you from the shit of despair to life-sustaining bliss.

Gratitude vibrates very close to the frequency of miracles.

But contrary to a lot of new age lit theory, gratitude is not always the best immediate response to what life throws at you.

As enlightened as it may sound, “finding the gift in the pain” isn’t the first priority when you’re actually in pain. Our suffering does NOT want to be denied or avoided, or glossed over with thankfulness. It wants our attention. When we paint over pain with premature or unexamined gratitude, we’re actually delaying our healing. We’re denying a critical part of our experience — the actual suffering, in which there is incredible power and agency.

Are you grateful that you got ripped off? Or that s/he cheated on you? That you missed your flight, were utterly disrespected and/or neglected, got humiliated, had your bike stolen, grew a tumour, lost the love, were harmed, failed the test?

Wait, don’t answer that yet. 1-800-New-Age-Justified-Feedback called and they said that some affirmations of gratitude will make it alllll better. That everything happens for a reason, that anger is a toxic emotion, that all is well in the universe. (All these things are true, by the way, but they’re only part of the truth.)

When all is NOT well in your part of the universe, THERE — where the wound happened. Don’t make the pain pretty with the theory of gratitude; be hurt, be pissed, be furious, be weak. Be where it’s ugly and uncomfortable — without adding sweetener to it. Spare yourself the karmic explanations, the family of origin connections, the “it’s all good” bullshit.

You with me? Where it hurts? Great. You may only need to be there for three seconds. Or an afternoon. (Too much time there will turn to poison, but you’ll decide for yourself when you’re done with the suffering. I pray you keep it brief as you can.)

And then…

After you have respected the pain and tabulated the lessons then comes the gratitude.

In a heart beat. For how much you learned, for how the mystery leads you into a higher state of being, for how far you’ve come, for how very much you have to be grateful for.

 

related posts

Vancouver! Jan 12. Event!

We thought our Vancouver community might like to get in on the conversation. We’ll do a bit of mediation and prayer together, and we’ll all leave slightly more enlightened and open-hearted. Ideally. Hopefully. Highly likely. Who’s in?
LOVE.
Conversation & Contemplation with
Danielle LaPorte & Eoin Finn

Holiday2018.HolidayCards.OptIn

Soulful, with a side of sassy: Free greeting cards & gift tags

I like my holidays to be easy on the over-consumption, big on the real love, with plenty of laughs. In that spirit, we designed these printable greeting cards & gift tags so your holidays can match YOUR spirit. Deep, light, and looking on the bright side. Take your pick, print, trim, and give give give!

2018 Planner Holiday Sale Danielle LaPorte

We’re about to make your inbox way happy!

Every single day, for the next 5 days, we’ll announce a MEGA-offer on a different Planner—the lowest prices ever on everything in this year’s Collection—for gifting glee! We’ll post each announcement on Instagram (@daniellelaporte), and each offer will last for 24 hours.

Thank you for your exquisite suffering

Thank you for your exquisite suffering (How to show gratitude for being saved by someone.)

How can you thank another human for that Holy showing?
Your life is beyond words.
But now that you are stronger, reach deep into the natural order of things
and with your hewn respect
thank them for their own exquisite suffering.

Gifty Vibes

Sweet surprise! White Hot Truth print book is FREE (just pay shipping)

Each offer will only last 24 hours, so make sure to check your email first thing to find out the surprise of the day. First one comes tomorrow—best get your Gifting List ready!

Gifty Vibes

Shh… it’s a surprise! (Great gift alert…)

Each offer will only last 24 hours, so make sure to check your email first thing to find out the surprise of the day. First one comes tomorrow—best get your Gifting List ready!

Holidaze, holy days, and lightening it all up.

Holidaze, holy days, and lightening it all up.

Ah, the holidays. Togetherness, twinkly lights, and… mass overconsumption, obligation, and so many opportunities for distraction. Most of us approach distraction as a time management issue—how we wrangle our to-do lists and goals.

Hey Fire Starter People

I’m in awe of your heart-work.

Dear Coaches, Teachers, Counselors… People who serve. If you’re in the business of Soul-work and service, how do take care of yourself?

Burn your journals. Maybe. Danielle LaPorte

Burn your journals. Maybe. Either way, here’s some inspiration on letting go.

I burned about 20 years of journals. Pages and pages of gut-red poetry and angst; cosmic gorgeousness and tender prayers; lists of wants, boyfriends (a loose term), and favourite perfumes. With every page I fed into the fireplace, I smiled. Thank you. Goodbye. Hellohhh here & now…

Danielle LaPorte How our business gives back

How our business gives back

When I started my own business, I made a decision to be public about our charitable giving. It was a practice I learned from Anita Roddick and the Canadian-based leaders (all women) of The Body Shop. The Body Shop was my first job-job and it baked the concept of a triple bottom line into my happily bleeding heart. The idea of sharing this is to inspire giving through business. I think we’re all gifters at heart. The flow of allowing and aiding is our natural way of being.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This