How to not give a shit (even though you really do) and be kind about it all.

I needed to respond to someone’s email. Someone who really wanted an answer from me. Actually, more than an answer. They wanted reasons, an explanation.

And there I was, in that place where I often find myself: It’s 11pm, I’m re-reading an email, I’m torn. I want to draw a hot bath, put on a folk-trippy playlist and end the day really grateful. Should I answer the email, thereby giving up a half hour of golden sleep? (I don’t make resolutions but if I did, it would be to stop staying up too late.) Should I try to be comforting whilst explaining myself — again? Should I backtrack to appease this good person (would that be the more loving thing to do?) And by appeasing them (because that’s loving, right?) then I might decrease the risk of being: a) disliked, and b) someone talking shit about me.

Or…should I face forward, which is where I prefer keep my life pointed, and take a Sandalwood bath — the pleasure of which makes me a better person on a regular basis.

I minimized my computer screen and rolled back from my desk. And I thought, “I don’t care what they think of me. Fuck it.” But I knew that wasn’t true. Because I’m a love nugget, really, and I care a lot about other people’s feelings. Because I have a healthy ego. Because I’m a serious boss lady and kindness is always good business.

I closed my eyes and brought the person to mind. And I said, “Look, it’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s that I already expressed my reasoning — very lovingly. I showed I cared. And now,

I have to care more about my own freedom and future than what you think of me.

Not easy. But really, totally necessary. What I know for sure is that my ability to be (relatively) okay with the discomfort of boundaries — of self respect — is why I have the life I want, which is about constant creativity and a circle of true friends to love on.

It’s easier to have boundaries if you’re a heartless asshole. When you’re an empathetic love bug, it’s a bit harder.

Just the way it is.

So here’s a mantra for the Kindness Crusaders who want to get stuff done in the world:

“It’s not that I don’t care. I do. It’s that I deeply care about my [   fill in the meaningful blank   ].”

Love from the inside outward. Some people will take offense to your healthy priorities. Others will take your loving example and love themselves even more.

Take a hot bath and call it another day to be grateful for your good life.

 

Always with Love,

danielle-signature1 copy

 

Instagram @2x

 

 

related posts
Loving yourself Danielle LaPorte

Loving yourself…when you hate yourself.

If “love” is confusing, then “SELF-love” can be mystifying. So I’m pressing pause on the self-love conversation to insert the word compassion… The feel of “compassion” is more direct and melting for most of us. So let’s start there. Because…

Courageous Minority-1

The Courageous Minority vs. the road to mediocrity (which is always really…safe.)

The Courageous Minority vs. the road to mediocrity (which is always really…safe.) Safe. The road to mediocre is always really…safe. And in terms of fulfillment, “safe” is really, really dangerous.

Danielle-LaPorte-It-only-gets-more-painful

It only gets more painful. But it’s good news.

It only gets more painful. But it’s good news. I thought that the ability to feel more deeply would give me access to solace, that special area reserved for The Feelers. But as it turns out, I just get more adept at crying and then carrying on.

ARE YOU READY TO FORGIVE? The complicated, gritty path to grace.

ARE YOU READY TO FORGIVE? The complicated, gritty path to grace. It’s complex. It’s confusing. It’s deeply particular. It’s the through-line of most mystical teachings: Forgiveness.

Deep-Positivity

Why positive thinking might be leading us in the wrong direction.

Deep positivity.
If there could be a slogan for manifestation theory, this would be it:
Energy follows thought. Energy follows thought. Energy follows thought. And by the way…energy follows thought.
Manifestation happens from the mind.
For it to work effectively, you must achieve clarity of desire, root into the depths of positivity, fend off doubts with Faith, and repeat. Every minute of every day, give or take.

Mixing-our-own-medicine

Antidepressants, meditation, the Goddess, and antibiotics. Making up your healing path.

Antidepressants, meditation, the Goddess, and antibiotics. Making up your healing path. There’s a time and place for everything. Knowing the right time and the right place is how you become your own healer.

WhiteHotTruthChapter3

How to be truly wise? Rock your paradoxes.

True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view. Wisdom knows that there is always an exception to the rule, that there is a time and place, and that a case-by-case approach is divine protocol.

When “sacred” sex goes south. Freeing our bodies…messing with our minds.

Groupthink is difficult to detect in the self-help space because it’s often spun as progressive and undogmatic. It shimmers with a counter-culture glow.

Danielle-LaPorte-The-Lie-Of-Affiliation

THE LIE OF AFFILIATION. Or…why group-think can really suck.

THE LIE OF AFFILIATION. The Lie of Affiliation says, “Groupthink is good think.” We could also call this The Lie of Being Cool. Join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow [12pm PST/ 3pm EST] and we’ll bite into the dynamics of group-think (it can really suck) and I’ll do Q&A!

White-Hot-Truth

I want you to love and trust yourself more intensely.

So White Hot Truth is about questioning our quest. Not so that we can get all debaucherous (tho’ that might be exactly what your spiritual evolution requires at the moment. In which case, go for it.) so we can craft a spirituality for ourselves that feels inspired and liberating — instead of a checklist for getting holistic and moral approval ratings.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This