no excuse for bad manners

A friend of mine who was a therapist in a half-way house described an incident where this big burly nut-bar barged into a group therapy session hollering and waving his arms around. He was like a beefy Hell’s Angels guy, and he was having one of his meanie episodes that would have scared the bejeezus out of even most tough cookies.

“Use your manners, would ya?” said the the group leader. “Turn around and come back in quietly.”

And in mid-rage, huffing and puffing, buddy just stopped. Calmly. “Oh. Okay then.” And he left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Quietly.

Standards work wonders.

When we routinely justify people’s poor behavior, we block the chances for change to occur. Excuses repress clarity.

I worked with someone for too long who was bi-polar manic depressive and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit… well, you know how she gets. Or your typically grouchy neighbor is a grouch. Or your always-under-a-lot-of-stress boss loses her cool because she’s so understandably stressed… Call it at face value, all afflictions, dispositions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful thing.

related posts
Featured @2x 456x456 (7)

the euphoria of admitting when it sucks

I hear this time and again, “If I just hang in longer… Maybe she’ll come up to speed. It might sell in the summer. If I dig deeper, I’ll learn to love Excel.” Fess up – it ain’t workin’. You’re smart to see it. You’re brilliant if you move on…

Featured @2x 456x456

Infidelity, sisterhood, and self-respect either way. #Lemonade and Love.

My feelings about infidelity, monogamy and commitment — and how they’ve evolved over time. How I define Divine Fidelity a la David Deida’s 3 stages of relationships. And my deep respect for Beyonce’s art and every woman’s choice of devotion.

Featured @2x 456x456 (6)

The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the dark, the spacious, the sweet, the jaded, the women who live as certain as light rays,
who renovate broken boardrooms and policies with justified anger and overwhelming Love —
Love of inclusion, of ecology, of bone solid Truth — Love of Love.

Featured @2x 456x456 (5)

Comparison is a killer. Cut it out.

Bless the people you feel envious of. The rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

^E1CFFDF9D213DCD421AF321F263914146A310A11C12D9DC0D1^pimgpsh_fullsize_distr

You are worthy of your desires

To say no.

To say yes.

To have your deepest needs met.

To be seen.

To be loved for what is seen.

Featured @2x 456x456 (2)

Pressed against a star (a poem for longing to be home.)

You are worth waiting for,
tall beam of Light.
And I will open the door for you like our lives depend on it.

Featured @2x 456x456

Feminism is consciousness. Lessons for my imaginary daughter & women — including Kim Kardashian.

All communication begins with intention. A loving word, or flipping someone the bird. A treatise on feminism, or an ageist tweet out to your peers.

@angie.byrd@2x

Use your wings

You’re cosmic. You are winged with light. And that means you have the power to get where you want to go, to see what’s really going on in a situation, to make excellent decisions.

Featured @2x 456x456 (1)

Walking away, music history, and not trying to heal other people. 9 of the Best Things I Ever Did (Volume 2)

I walked away. I held out. I weathered the craving to compromise. And wow, guys, having heart-centered high standards pays off. Big time. Life meets you where you honour yourself.

Featured @2x 456x456

Recovering from self-help exhaustion? Join the club.

My friend Jess Ortner and I had a great conversation about the downer of always trying to be up. Perfect for her podcast called Adventures in Happiness. This is one of my favourite, truly useful conversations for being on the so-called “Path”.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This