what motivates you: pleasure or pain?

Do you work hard to avoid the embarrassment of not having enough and making good on your promises? Or…do you work hard because there’s so much of life to experience and you want it all? Reputation, or self-satisfaction. What the Joneses think, or the merit of your inclinations. The destination, or the journey. The fact is that when it comes to motivation and goal-reaching, you’re either avoiding the whip, or going for the gold.

PLEASURE SEEKING

When you’re focused on the rewards of what you’re doing, you’re in the driver’s seat of your life. Whether the reward is feeling powerful; or it’s the best cashmere that money can buy, or it’s a mental health day off of work, when your intention is fixed on moving forward you’re taking full responsibility for getting where you want to go. And when satisfaction is up to you, it’s much sweeter when you get it.

PAIN AVOIDING

When your choices are based on deflecting or avoiding uncomfortable feelings, like embarrassment or regret or dislocation, you’re taking a back seat to your true power. When you’re focused on what you could lose, the possible winnings shrivel in direct proportion to your fear of loss. And even if you get what you supposedly want, you’ve still put yourself in a crazy game of dodging the bad stuff in hopes of getting the good stuff. As Lily Tomlin put it, “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

The great fear motivators of human nature:
: What other people think of me: I better do what’s expected.
: What other people want from me: I better give all that I can.
: What other people can give to me: I better be nice to get what I want.

If your to-do list is based on avoiding pain, you may as well hook yourself up to a laser that jolts you every time you dare to make a self-fulfilling decision.

I’d rather be in the Bahamas. Zzzzzt! I should dump the chump. Zzzzzt! I was made for greater things than this. Zzzzzt!

Studies show that positive reinforcement with children fosters self-esteem and better problem-solving skills. Praise the good, deflect the bad. The power of accentuating the positive isn’t something we grow out of. In fact, the practice of cultivating positivity is defines a life.

Positively powerful motivators:

If your choices elicit a full-on yes! to any of the following questions, then you’re choosing from a place of true creative power.

: Is this moving me forward?
: Do I feel more like myself?
: Does this clear the way for good stuff to show up?
: Will I sleep peacefully tonight?
: Would my kid {or grandma, or best friend} be proud of me?

The great shift from the pain motivation to pleasure motivation, is based on trust, of course. Trusting that when you say no to what doesn’t serve you, life says yes to your greatness. Trusting that you deserve to be fulfilled. Period. No justifications necessary. And trusting that you will get what you want by being true to yourself.

The rewards are infinite…and they feel real good.

related posts
Beliefs, Movies & Man Crushes1

[LIGHT WORK] An intimate Q&A episode. It’s deep, it’s lite, I hope it’s alllll right.

If God is in the details, then the Soul is in a good Q&A. And that’s the substance of Podcast #4: Beliefs, Movies & Man Crushes. Your questions make it so easy for me to rant and offer some (hopefully) useful how-to’s and tricks of the trade. The “trade” being discernment and devotion. It’s deep, it’s lite, I hope it’s alllll right.

Beliefs, Movies & Man Crushes-Danielle-LaPorte

[LIGHT WORK] Beliefs, Movies & Man Crushes

In a nutshell: I’m hot for hot man feminists who work (in their own way) to make the world a better place. Service is a huge turn on for me.

DanielleLaporte.LightWork.The service of joy, especially in these times

[LIGHT WORK] The service of joy, especially in these times

I’ve talked to rabbis, and priests, and monks, and people who I consider to be high esoteric practitioners. I’ve figured out a few things about joy… and I’ve woven them into this week’s episode of LIGHT WORK.

The-Upside-of-suffering-DanielleLaporte.LightWork.Episode2_EmailHeader.1200x1200

[LIGHT WORK] We can’t get to the light, until we understand the suffering.

I’ve struggled for a long time with wondering if pain and suffering were essential to growth. Are they essential to me being a more expanded, clear minded, loving, joyous, sexy human being? Do I have to hurt to get there? Well, I fucking hope not… but I haven’t figured out a way around suffering yet.

The-Upside-of-suffering-DanielleLaporte.LightWork.Episode2_Instagram.1080x1080

[LIGHT WORK] The upside of suffering… sort of.

You see, there is suffering in the sensitivity. It hurts to feel. And we’re raised to strive—to desensitize—and it’s killing us. I think the strength is in opening. That opening to feel is where resiliency is born.

[LIGHT WORK, Ep. #1] Friends, Lovers, and Therapy5

[LIGHT WORK] The union. The bliss. The bind…Friendship is EVERYthing.

I want to go deep into this conversation about creating Fulfilling Friendships. I’ve got lots to say about engaged listening, self respect, breaking up (when necessary), and celebrating our friend-loves. I’ve also got plenty of opinions and practices for self-compassion, deep spiritual devotion, healthier relationships with our damn phones, and better quality sleep.

Danielle LaPorte Light Work

[LIGHT WORK] Friends, Lovers, and Therapy

I asked about a zillion people what they wanted more of in their lives. The #1 craving, by far: more fulfilling FRIENDSHIPS. We’re connection starved, we know this. Let me give you a peek into my own circle. In this first episode of LIGHT WORK, I use my own friends as how-to examples for creating radical support and sweetness in your life.

Do not doubt the wisdom of your rage

Do not doubt the wisdom of your rage. (inspired by recent events)

Popularity isn’t always true power. Money isn’t always success. Experience does not guarantee wisdom. Question it all. And do not doubt the wisdom of your rage.

GOOD MANNERS and some wuv. We could all use more of them-feature

GOOD MANNERS and some wuv. We could all use more of them.

There are still some basic good manners that should prevail no matter our generation, station, or affiliation. Here’s what it might mean to be classy, kind, and considerate whenever you are able (and we are almost always able).

Danielle-LaPorte-Lightwork-Podcast

I made something new for you. For US.

The LIGHT WORK series will unfold over six episodes. These are girlfriend-style sermons on serving the world while staying sane, cosmic connectedness over tech addiction, self compassion and more fulfilling friendships. Poetry. Hilarity. Peeks into the personal.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This