Self Love and why we’re all effed up about it.

Loving yourself doesn’t guarantee that you will be loved.

Self Love. Tricky terrain.

We can shout it: I Love my curves! I Love my crazy! I Love my attitude! All the while, we’re looking out of the corner of our eye to see if everyone else is Loving us for our curves, crazy, and ‘tude.

If *I* love me, then maybe YOU will Love me…right?

Not necessarily. Because humans are really fucked up about Love. BEAUTIFULLY, irresistibly, and understandably so messed up about it.

You can try to Love yourself in spite of not being loved the way you want (note: “spite”. Not a great phrase, already off to a bad start), “You don’t dig me? Well, I’ll show you how awesome I am!” That’s somewhat effective. Just somewhat, because you’re still going to have to get past the layers of self disdain to get to the warm center of true adoration. The Self Love Tootsie Roll. It’s in there.

Eventually you must Love yourself just because of…yourself.

…your beautiful, luminous, powerful, magnificent, righteous, sacred…self.

You can work on loving yourself because hating yourself is utter and total hell. That’s a really good motivation, actually. Get yourself out of hell with tenderness and acknowledgement, and when you get on firm ground, throw yourself a good life party for the rest of your life.

Sometimes, we “act” like we love ourselves so that we don’t have to change.
 I Love myself completely and no changes are required, I’m THAT rad. Except our spirit very much wants to change what’s not working for our lives. But we’re afraid (often misdiagnosed as lazy or arrogant) to do what it takes to change. Fake self Love can turn into a cop out for really growing.

This is my favourite Self Love mind fuck: We think that if we Love ourselves the way we are now then we’ll become better, more…loveable. This is particularly screwy because you’re going to do something tomorrow that is insecure or less than awesome (often mislabelled as selfish or stupid) and you’ll be thinking, If only I were better at loving myself, I wouldn’t be such a fuck up.

Here’s my practical suggestion on Self Love: We’re all (mostly) a bit twisted up about Love. Loving ourselves, loving each other. Illusions, attachments, de-tachments. Past lives. Soul contracts (which are burnable, by the way). It’s incredibly complicated. Just know that and proceed.

Here’s my REALLY practical suggestion that seems really impractical to the practical mind: YOU ARE LOVE. Your Soul, cells, spirit…it’s the stuff of Love (or “LIGHT”. Same thing.) Original, essence, your core. You’re Love today, you were Love yesterday, and you’ll be Love…forever.

So go easy on yourself. Really and truly, so eeeasy. Celebrate yourself no matter what — even if they think you’re tacky, terrible, too much of this, too little of that. Make how you move through the world an homage to your beautiful, luminous, powerful, magnificent, righteous, sacred…self.

That same self who may fuck up tomorrow, but will still be made of LOVE. THAT Self. Love.  

Ever True,

danielle-signature1 copy



related posts

Surrender to Love: 10-day experience inside

With more loving awareness, everything shifts. What new paths will you choose? The courage to put yourself out there? Forgiveness? Kindness? Clarity?

The Desire Map is Free

The Desire Map is FREE. Right now. Activating heart intelligence in 3… 2…

Right now The Desire Map is FREE for you + your friends. In service of your freedom.

Comparison. Resiliency. True Love.

Comparison. Resiliency. True Love.

Comparison. Resiliency. True Love. If you’re in WTF Bootcamp right now—you will get through it. You’re in it because your Soul is up for it.

Danielle LaPorte Are you at peace with it?

Are you at peace with it?

A choice you make that came with some struggle. To let go. To jump in. To shift your perspective. You did it. How do you know if you’re at peace with it?


Light & Resilience (a holiday or anytime prayer)

May the sweetness of this moment
radiate to all beings everywhere
that we may see the light and resilience we reflect back to one another.


A (free) holiday survival kit for family (dys)functions

For The Black Sheep and mystified, the wounded healers and middle children, for all the adult children who’d rather a root canal than go to Aunt Ellen’s for turkey dinner…


New holiday traditions, to sweeten the chaos

There’s a lot about the holidays I look forward to. The beautiful rituals, and being with people I love, and Jesus (one of my true loves). But… there’s a lot about the holidays in North America that I could do without. So I try to keep this season as gentle as possible. Here’s my way of sweetening the chaos and creating beauty that doesn’t weigh heavy on Mother Earth…

Alleluia, What A F*cking Year (a prayer)

Alleluia, What A F*cking Year (a holiday or anytime prayer)

For the love of God,
The truth crusading! The justice making!
The fires, the floods, the impact.
And the undeniable RISING of… us.

Vancouver! Jan 12. Event!

We thought our Vancouver community might like to get in on the conversation. We’ll do a bit of mediation and prayer together, and we’ll all leave slightly more enlightened and open-hearted. Ideally. Hopefully. Highly likely. Who’s in?
Conversation & Contemplation with
Danielle LaPorte & Eoin Finn


Soulful, with a side of sassy: Free greeting cards & gift tags

I like my holidays to be easy on the over-consumption, big on the real love, with plenty of laughs. In that spirit, we designed these printable greeting cards & gift tags so your holidays can match YOUR spirit. Deep, light, and looking on the bright side. Take your pick, print, trim, and give give give!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This