Comments on: love sucks, but you can’t beat it

By: Elana

Elana — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:20:46 +0000

I love this...It goes nicely with my latest post. Why is Huey Lewis playing in my head all of a sudden? Lol. Danielle, you're pretty awesome in case you missed it : )

By: Danielle LaPorte launches "The Fire Starter Sessions: A digital experience for entrepreneurs" — Sharp & resourceful team of VAs who indulge entrepreneurs with the gift of time & money through nonpareil support. We specialize in social media, pro

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 06:31:26 +0000

[...] been a client of mine for nearly a year and became an instant fan after reading her articles on love, business, and [...]

By: a reprise of hot stuff: part 1 | White Hot Truth: because self-realization rocks.

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:05:31 +0000

[...] BY MY SHRINK : no excuse for bad manners : love sucks, but you can't beat it : are you positively [...]

By: MPositive

MPositive — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 18:27:01 +0000

I am currently divorcing. I do not think all marriages are doomed, however. I have come away with some good lessons, and I will share some of what I have learned. "Till death do us part" is misleading. The correct version of this is "as long as our love shall last." If you set yourself up to think that a marriage has to be forever, of course any talk of breaking up will be so traumatic to think about that it is, by default, forbidden. IF a breakup is imminent at some point, it will be totally awful, because even talking about it has been turned into a taboo. The best partners in a marriage learn how to stop and listen to their partner... how, as much as possible, to control "knee-jerk" reactions. How to be ok with talking about the "awful" things. Over time, this develops trust. You wade through difficult subjects together, and you acquire a feeling of "if we can get through this, we can get through anything," and you exude that trusting energy to your partner, who feels that and in turn responds more favorably. Obviously, there will be times when you can't just hold it together, on both sides. One of you will break down and need the other to just be there for them. And that's normal, and if both of you are truly trying hard to not have a knee-jerk moment and have a well-established trust developed around that, then when one of you breaks down, the other will know that it must be serious and will respond fully. That's why we are able to say to some people, "anytime you need anything, give me a call"--because we trust that they won't abuse this pledge of ours. Do you and your spouse have that? If not, why not? Better figure it out... Your concept of white hot truth will serve you well in your relationship, especially if your spouse follows it to the degree that you do. Within the context of trust, you can share anything--but if for some reason that trust is threatened, some unvarnished truth along with a LOT of simple listening with an open mind and without judgment makes the difference between those who break down further and those who resolve things positively. Developing trust is key. I wrote a post on the methods I use to develop trust, as I feel as though some of the most gut-wrenching moments in my life have been when my trust backfired on me. I wish you well in your marriage, you seem like an amazing person and your spouse is blessed to have you in his/her life.

By: Love Love. « Good Morning, Fabulous!

Love Love. « Good Morning, Fabulous! — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:28:20 +0000

[...] it is easy to fall into the rut of life. I love Love! And as my most favorite White Hot Truth says: Bliss requires Sweat. Â Love takes work.Â Love may not always be easy, but it will always be worth [...]

By: kara

kara — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:43:19 +0000

Hello there,
I couldn't help but to reply to your comment because I sorta feel the same way in my marriage could you possibly write me and tell me how u got through it? And what was happening in your marriage? Kara182@comcast.net

By: Danielle LaPorte

Danielle LaPorte — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:24:20 +0000

good finkin'. I used to give copies of John Gottman's 7 Secrets to Marriage as wedding gifts. but i think i'll just laminate this post and put a bow on it. thanks for the inspiration.

By: Kasia Fink

Kasia Fink — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:24:09 +0000

I got thanked profusely for sharing this with dozens of girlfriends the past week so I'm coming back here to give that thanks to you. This is one of my favorite articles in a long time. It should be required reading for anyone getting married.

I read a related (though considerably less sassy) piece in the Globe & Mail today which I think you'd like, so I also came back to share that: "When love hurts you know it's good" http://tinyurl.com/nd4u9q When I first read the title, I thought they had stolen your piece!

By: nothing says ‘i love you’ like lipgloss | White Hot Truth: because self-realization rocks.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 06:30:12 +0000

[...] love sucks, but you canâ€™t beat it [...]

By: annmarie

annmarie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:26:55 +0000

I always knew love was complicated. Kind of expected it. I took a lot of crap. I had faith though. I watched my mom and dad through some crazy times and they are still married. But, I knew my marriage was over when I watched my mom hold my dad's face and say ... "That's why I love you Paul." I knew I couldn't say that to my then husband and be honest. I went into the bathroom and cried and planned my departure.