the perils of justifying yourself

Me, you, or someone you know:

“I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m going to …”
Fill in the blank: Quit, sell it, leave, cancel, give it away, walk, resign.

That practical voice inside your head, well-intentioned friends, your granny: “Now, why would you do that?! It’s … (fill in the blank) good money, a great opportunity, you’ve worked so hard, what will you do without it? Can’t you work it out?

And you bite the hook. In fact, your psyche’s been hanging on it for quite sometime, gnawing on 101 good, practical, and perfectly reasonable reasons why you have the right to make the decision that you’re making. You know, rationalizing. Well how about this rationale:

It doesn’t feel right.

Stay there for a few seconds. It’s a very powerful place to be. It’s elegant. It’s clear. Declared feelings have sonic reach.

And… it can be very uncomfortable. Like the truth can often be before it sets you free.

I recently left a gig because it just didn’t feel right. I struggled with all of the yes, no, make adjustments, suck it up, expand your perspective, get more creative kind of options. A few people thought I was nuts to walk away. Great exposure, cachet, extra money… All true. The “facts” usually are.

I made the tastiest Excuse Sandwich about why it didn’t work for me. I need to find a baby sitter, it interrupts my week, it’s not what I signed up for, I need a haircut, I don’t like so and so or such and such, I need to focus on … All absolutely true. And in the grand scheme, in the greater gestalt of what I’m capable of, totally lame and absolutely surmountable.

If something felt right, I’d drive all night in a push-up bra to get there. When it really feels right, you go out of your way. When something feels right, you put inconveniences in their place.



  • automatically puts you on the defense. When you’re on the defense, you burn more energy. Rationalization can be incredibly inefficient.
  • over-complicates things.
  • perpetuates cleverness. Clever is not a good word in my personal dictionary. It rhymes with slick, manipulative, covert. When you’re trying to rationalize something that is very often amorphous and insular you’ll reach for smooth answers that you think people – or your subconscious – want to hear. And that makes you a salesman.
  • depresses your essential self. The more you load rationale onto your feelings, the more padding you create between you and your most powerful, unlimited resource. If you make a habit of keeping your instincts at bay, that tend to stay at bay.
  • makes you look and feel like a victim. In an effort to prove and protect, you make up reasons that appear to be more important than your refutable instinct. You whine. You nit pick the situation. You start sounding like the whimp you don’t want to be – instead of the hero that you essentially are. When the passion is there, so is the solution. No problem looks insurmountable when you’re turned on.

Of course, sometimes your greatness demands that you explain your reasons in no uncertain terms. Taking the time to explain yourself can be a fantastically creative act. If that’s what’s called for, then explain how you feel. Hold the excuses. Stand by your heart. Make it matter.

related posts

The most powerful possible Yes to women

…to the dark, the spacious, the sweet, the jaded, the women who live as certain as light rays,
who renovate broken boardrooms and policies with justified anger and overwhelming Love —
Love of inclusion, of ecology, of bone solid Truth — Love of Love.

We are passionate, in pain and POWERFUL. A follow up to the question I posed to you

We are passionate, in pain and POWERFUL. A follow up to the question I posed to you.

Here are the questions––which I am now asking YOU: What’s the drag in your life? The general pain points. How could I help you with that?

Danielle-Laporte-Manifesto for Conscious Business

Team D’s Manifesto for Conscious Business (C’mon and get it.)

Team D’s Manifesto for Conscious Business. This is the third revision in the course of six years. Every single word is intentional and in order of priority.

3 habits for dissolving envy

3 habits for dissolving envy.

Can you wish the best for those you envy?

What if your jealousy is a sign that you need to get your ass in gear?

Because, what’s wrong with wanting what you want?

Hint: Nothin’…

Danielle LaPorte Love Radiance Meditation

You. Me. Let’s talk Love + Radiance over lunch…

Real talk about Love + Radiance…resistance…humbling revelations…All the light stuff.


Introducing The Love + Radiance Meditation Kit (+ a LIVE class with me).

The meditation is multi-form and more…multifaith. This experience wraps together: prayer, meditation, visualization and mantra “Words of Power.” We produce it in print and audio, with cue cards for DIY. And because the “landscape” of the meditation is so key, we’ve given you a visual “mood board” of photographs to help you see your way into the space.

An open letter to my peoples How can I help

An open letter to my peoples: How can I help?

Here are the questions––which I am now asking YOU: What’s the drag in your life? The general pain points. How could I help you with that?

Addicted to productivity

Addicted to productivity, and the courageous act of…stillness.

Wisdom is so underrated these days, but never mind that. Courage up. Wise people pause. Because they know that when you can be still, you become more real. Deeper. And that’s where the value is.


Can you love the problems that come with your good choices? (Because there will always be problems.)

Can you love the problems inherent in your industry? The challenges that come with the goals you’ve set? The hoops you have to jump through to get what you want the most?

Danielle LaPorte Desire Map Preview Bundle

Right now The Desire Map is FREE for you + your FRIENDS. Because…this is what I have to give.

Clarity-backed action. And LOVE. (I’m giving The Desire Map to you AND your friends.)

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This