what is your relationship to…life?

I’m not sure there is a bigger question than this. It bears repeating:
what…is…your relationship to life?

I was in Kauai in the fall and read Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth between beaches. And this question of his became my walking, rambling, meditation. “What is my relationship…to LIFE?!” Daunting. Spectacular. Galvanizing. Perhaps my favourite question of all time.

It opened the floodgates of inquiry for me. I spiraled it backwards to look at my relationship to my man, my child, my families of blood and soul … my portals of connectivity and on good days, communion. What was the majority experience of me showing up in the world? How is it that I am vulnerable? What feels pure and steadfast within my cells?

One question led to another. What do I bring forth from the well of my essential self, and what do I keep in reserve, locked, frightened, greedy, proud, and practical? When I engage with people what is my motive? How do I greet strangers and friends with whom I have history?

What is my most regular waking thought?

What is my favourite feeling? Who am I trying to impress? How do I stand in crisis? Where does my generosity stop? What gets to the core of my core?

I actually didn’t need to delve into the deep recesses of my psyche. It turned out to be a remarkably basic exercise – one that I bet you could find your own answer to by the end of today. It all got down to this simple sub-plot question:

How am I with people?

I saw the pattern of truth emerge, a through-line to ALL of my interactions with people … with everyone, every one. Whether it is my lover-companion of ten years with whom I can be amazing or pathetic, or it’s the dude sliding my tea across the counter, there is a consistent energy and attitude that I bring to them. I can see the rhythm of it in my mind. It goes like this: I give off a honey-golden love warmth, an “I love you, we’re in this together” declaration. It’s pure and it’s innocent and is graciously global.

Then out comes this acuity, a kind of “I get you, I see you, and I’m very serious about it.” I’m not sure if it’s a natural intensity or if it’s a protective reaction that roots in fear, but often, my next level of vibe is either something along the subtle lines of “don’t fuck with me,” or “you do your thing, I’ll do mine, and all is well.”

When I looked at my relationship to the humans (and my dog counts as a human,) that I relate to, it became clear that I am a planet of love with a hair-trigger drawbridge that closes without much warning. I am, and this was somewhat heartbreaking for me to realize…I am somewhat reserved with my love.

And thus, my relationship to life is: Big Love. True Smile. Tricky Lock.

It’s a long term relationship. My vows are a work in progress.

related posts

What’s underneath wishful thinking?

Wishful thinking is tangled up with craving. We want what we want. So we ignore the evidence that we’re very likely not going to get what we want out of a situation. Craving… wishing. Craving… denial. Craving… tolerating. It’s a wishous cycle.


Don’t worry about being invited back. My Manifesto for Creativity.

Meaningfulness. Reveal myself. Be compassionate. Don’t worry about being invited back. Go there. xo. I jotted this down when I began writing my book. I wanted a manifesto and it had to happen quickly because…I had a book to write.


Life is what happens on the way to the finish line.

If you’re not loving what it feels like between your various life destinations, then get off the ride. Burn the itinerary. Fuck “motivation” and be still long enough to find your inspiration.


Let the Love in. Because, “It’s an honour to help you.”

I was in a spiritual tizzy — that’s an esoteric term for 80% emotions-running-wild, and 20% having faith that everything will work out. I can’t remember what it was over (probably divorce papers, or a publishing contract, or buying a house. But it involved documents and beaucoup emotion.)


What to do after you have a breakthrough. (You’re going to shrink after you expand, so, listen closely.)

Threshold, crossed. You got there. After the grinding, the repetitive strain, the cord-cutting, the screams of release, the bliss of relief — the training paid off. Muscle burn got you across the finish line. Soul fire resurrected you. BREAKTHROUGH.


Why jerks show up in your life.

We attract jerks to burn karma — old agreements to be broken in current time, vows to be rescinded, slates to be wiped clean. We attract jerks for contrast — jerks show us what deception and manipulation feels like. They show us how we DON’T want to feel — which is excellent intel for knowing how we DO want to feel.

Featured @2x 456x456 (20)

The epidemic of the brittle woman and the salvation of softness

You know her. Maybe you are her. Or you were. Sisters, please don’t become her. Sisters (and brothers), let’s heal her. She’s giving up on love and life. Sometime, as a result of having to try too hard to get her very essential Soul needs met she… just… got… worn…down. She had no choice but to stiffen. Then she realized that she had a choice.

Featured @2x 456x456 (19)

5 pointers for developing freedom-based creativity & work habits. Which is to say, you’ve got to dissolve guilt and rock your own rhythm.

A note on CREATIVE FLOW…. I’m “working” today. Wasn’t planning on it. It’s a sunny, gorgeous Vancouver Sunday. But since my kid is running around the block with his neighbour buddies, I’m using this time to write, respond, vision.

456x456-Are you hanging by a thread?

Are you hanging by a thread?

It’s hard. It’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness. Or to see clearly. Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting. What you’re going through undeniably sucks. It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through and over this, you will thrive again…

456x456-in praise of women- magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

in praise of women: magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This