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Jumping for joy can be counter-intuitive when you’ve been despairing long term. Your cells become expectant of disappointment. The repetition of compromise settles into your muscles and makes reflexes happen. Grey. Less than luminous. Not ideal. In-between half vital and half wanting more. In-between kinda dying and kinda living, a space which can very often be healing, confusing, and wonderfully risky.
Tibetan Buddhists call the place between death and rebirth the Bardo. Catholics have Purgatory. When my Priest explained Purgatory to us in Grade Two, I super-double-dipped-chocolate-vowed to get into heaven, not so much to avoid the flames of hell, but to avoid the total drag of being stuck in between worlds in the Purgatory waiting room of “not quite good enough” losers.
In-between can be terrifically uncomfortable. Like healing, which can be itchy and tight and arduous. And after a while, we can actually manage to get comfortable there, accustomed to the restraints, the warmth of the bandages, tired of how demanding it can be to take good care of ourselves. And so we keep waiting for the fog to lift, naturally. We await the will of heaven. We wait for the meds to kick in. We wait, because, you know, “time heals all things.” (Time, by the way, is not the actual healer. Consciousness is.) And we keep waiting to be healed.
Waiting to be healed can be a tragic form of compromise. When we’re so close to vitality and freedom, we can be lulled by the self-comfort that has served it’s purpose, by the luxury of respites, by the mercy of slow death. Like I said, “in-between” can be risky business. No Buddhist wants to get stuck in the Bardo — they want to come back to life.
The final stages of healing do not necessarily call for organic clearing, but rather, the soul skill of transmutation: intentionally altering your course. Think: wizardry, high-priestess, impassioned agents of change. Think: like God.
TRANSMUTATION, and what my favorite sci-fi movie has to do with getting on with your life…
The Abyss is one of my fave sci-fi movies of the 90′s. A crew of ocean scientists head to new depths of the ocean and it gets rogue and extraterrestrial pretty fast. The scene: Mr. Sexy Sea Captain, “Bud”, played by Ed Harris, and his movie ex-wife, “Lindsey”, played by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, are trapped in an underwater capsule that’s rapidly filling up with water. It’s dire.
They need to swim back to the mother ship to safety. There’s only one oxygen mask and two of them. The distance is a few meters too far to make it without an air supply. Because Bud is a stronger swimmer, Lindsey decides that she will effectively let her self drown, and then Bud can wear the oxygen mask and swim with her back to the ship to quickly resuscitate her.
I searched high and low to find the complete scene for you online. I really want you to see the part where she is inhaling water and letting her body die, while Bud masks up and prepares to swim her to the ship. It’s deeply moving. It is so metaphorical for the times in your life where you take a deep breath and decide let it all go – it is the intentional leap into the liminal bardo where we can only trust that we will find life on the other side.
But, I couldn’t find THAT scene (and James Cameron didn’t return my call.) Howevah, what you can view here is the most riveting, moving, nerve-clenching conclusion of that moment where Bud fights for Lindsey’s life.
And THIS is where I get to my point about healing and Transmutation Time:
There comes a time to fight your way out of purgatory. Assess what you learned, bow to your healing process, and tear off the band-aids. Burn things. This is the time to make announcements and head out into the world even if your skin is a bit tender, even if you are limping now.
You bust out of the in-between when you declare that you.have.decided.to.live. No matter what. Such as you are, you are here, and you are ready for more.
If “love” is confusing, then “SELF-love” can be mystifying. So I’m pressing pause on the self-love conversation to insert the word compassion… The feel of “compassion” is more direct and melting for most of us. So let’s start there. Because…
It only gets more painful. But it’s good news. I thought that the ability to feel more deeply would give me access to solace, that special area reserved for The Feelers. But as it turns out, I just get more adept at crying and then carrying on.
If there could be a slogan for manifestation theory, this would be it:
Energy follows thought. Energy follows thought. Energy follows thought. And by the way…energy follows thought.
Manifestation happens from the mind.
For it to work effectively, you must achieve clarity of desire, root into the depths of positivity, fend off doubts with Faith, and repeat. Every minute of every day, give or take.
Antidepressants, meditation, the Goddess, and antibiotics. Making up your healing path. There’s a time and place for everything. Knowing the right time and the right place is how you become your own healer.
True wisdom usually holds and transcends opposing points of view. Wisdom knows that there is always an exception to the rule, that there is a time and place, and that a case-by-case approach is divine protocol.
THE LIE OF AFFILIATION. The Lie of Affiliation says, “Groupthink is good think.” We could also call this The Lie of Being Cool. Join me for lunch on Facebook Live tomorrow [12pm PST/ 3pm EST] and we’ll bite into the dynamics of group-think (it can really suck) and I’ll do Q&A!
So White Hot Truth is about questioning our quest. Not so that we can get all debaucherous (tho’ that might be exactly what your spiritual evolution requires at the moment. In which case, go for it.) so we can craft a spirituality for ourselves that feels inspired and liberating — instead of a checklist for getting holistic and moral approval ratings.
t's FREE, of course. A membership is like having a library card. But more adorkable. You'll get access to EXCLUSIVE things:
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