when it’s time to stop healing and bust outta purgatory (and what my crush on ed harris has to do with enlightenment)

1556W-when it’s time to stop healing and bust outta purgatory@2x

Jumping for joy can be counter-intuitive when you’ve been despairing long term. Your cells become expectant of disappointment. The repetition of compromise settles into your muscles and makes reflexes happen. Grey. Less than luminous. Not ideal. In-between half vital and half wanting more. In-between kinda dying and kinda living, a space which can very often be healing, confusing, and wonderfully risky.

Tibetan Buddhists call the place between death and rebirth the Bardo. Catholics have Purgatory. When my Priest explained Purgatory to us in Grade Two, I super-double-dipped-chocolate-vowed to get into heaven, not so much to avoid the flames of hell, but to avoid the total drag of being stuck in between worlds in the Purgatory waiting room of “not quite good enough” losers.

In-between can be terrifically uncomfortable. Like healing, which can be itchy and tight and arduous. And after a while, we can actually manage to get comfortable there, accustomed to the restraints, the warmth of the bandages, tired of how demanding it can be to take good care of ourselves. And so we keep waiting for the fog to lift, naturally. We await the will of heaven. We wait for the meds to kick in. We wait, because, you know, “time heals all things.” (Time, by the way, is not the actual healer. Consciousness is.) And we keep waiting to be healed.

Waiting to be healed can be a tragic form of compromise. When we’re so close to vitality and freedom, we can be lulled by the self-comfort that has served it’s purpose, by the luxury of respites, by the mercy of slow death. Like I said, “in-between” can be risky business. No Buddhist wants to get stuck in the Bardo — they want to come back to life.

The final stages of healing do not necessarily call for organic clearing, but rather, the soul skill of transmutation: intentionally altering your course. Think: wizardry, high-priestess, impassioned agents of change. Think: like God.

TRANSMUTATION, and what my favorite sci-fi movie has to do with getting on with your life…

The Abyss is one of my fave sci-fi movies of the 90′s. A crew of ocean scientists head to new depths of the ocean and it gets rogue and extraterrestrial pretty fast. The scene: Mr. Sexy Sea Captain, “Bud”, played by Ed Harris, and his movie ex-wife, “Lindsey”, played by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, are trapped in an underwater capsule that’s rapidly filling up with water. It’s dire.

They need to swim back to the mother ship to safety. There’s only one oxygen mask and two of them. The distance is a few meters too far to make it without an air supply. Because Bud is a stronger swimmer, Lindsey decides that she will effectively let her self drown, and then Bud can wear the oxygen mask and swim with her back to the ship to quickly resuscitate her.

I searched high and low to find the complete scene for you online. I really want you to see the part where she is inhaling water and letting her body die, while Bud masks up and prepares to swim her to the ship. It’s deeply moving. It is so metaphorical for the times in your life where you take a deep breath and decide let it all go – it is the intentional leap into the liminal bardo where we can only trust that we will find life on the other side.

But, I couldn’t find THAT scene (and James Cameron didn’t return my call.) Howevah, what you can view here is the most riveting, moving, nerve-clenching conclusion of that moment where Bud fights for Lindsey’s life.

And THIS is where I get to my point about healing and Transmutation Time:

There comes a time to fight your way out of purgatory. Assess what you learned, bow to your healing process, and tear off the band-aids. Burn things. This is the time to make announcements and head out into the world even if your skin is a bit tender, even if you are limping now.

You bust out of the in-between when you declare that you.have.decided.to.live. No matter what. Such as you are, you are here, and you are ready for more.

WAIT! THIS, JUST IN! The drowning scene was sent to me after I published this post! (Thank you, Dawn). Watch this first, and then the YouTube video above: http://movieclips.com/sTUM-the-abyss-lindsey-drowns/0/132.633/

(un-copyrighted YouTube videos have a way of disappearing. If you can’t view this video, go to YouTube and type in, “The Abyss movie” and you’ll find this scene)

 

related posts
Featured @2x 456x456

Do you think being called “Too emotional” is an act of oppression? Maybe you should think about it.

Stop thinking and start feeling — a lot more. And start talking about how you feel — a lot more. And you know what will happen? You will start to be more aware of how you feel, more of the time — the tenderness, the rage, the genius, the sorrow, the Love. You will feel your power, and you will direct it into the world.

Featured @2x 456x456

How to not give a shit (even though you really do) and be kind about it all.

Love from the inside outward. Some people will take offense to your healthy priorities. Others will take your loving example and love themselves even more.

Featured @2x 456x456

Perpetually cleansing? That’s about right. The 80/20 rule of living your life and cleaning it up.

Deep living is dirty, sweaty, gorgeous work. We will accumulate things. But your Soul wants to be mobile, unencumbered — in touch with all the parts of your life.

Featured @2x 456x456

All the things that softly kill me.

The hate. All the hate. It makes me fume and spin. The light. Oh the light! The light that is powerful enough to transmute hate into Love. “T’was blind, but now I see.” That kind of light.

Featured-@2x

A slight twist on reviewing your year (or life) that could be very, very…illuminating

We’re cozied in the corner booth of the pub with tacos and no one else around. It’s been a doozer of a business week and I have some Very Big Decisions to make. Wait. In case you’re not the story-type, I’ll give you the quick take-away: A short how-to on doing a yearly retrospective.

Poem-Grapic-FB-featured@2x1

a sentiment for blazing

close your calendars
of regret
smash clocks and barriers
with your better knowing
throw soft light on

Featured-@2x3

Self Love and why we’re all effed up about it.

Celebrate yourself no matter what — even if they think you’re tacky, terrible, too much of this, too little of that. Make how you move through the world an homage to your beautiful, luminous, powerful, magnificent, righteous, sacred…self.

That same self who may fuck up tomorrow, but will still be made of LOVE. THAT Self. Love.

Featured-@2x1

Thoroughness (a poem for devotion)

I have expressed from my longing and obstacles
the balm of thoroughness,
rare as rose oil,
nothing cures like devotion.
I stroke it on wounds and desires

Featured-@2x

Easing someone’s suffering…without suffering. Is it possible?

Do I have to feel your pain in order to help ease your pain?

And, if I guard myself against your suffering, am I less useful? If I want to detach from your pain, am I less loving? If I think, “I’m glad I’m not going through that”, am I cold hearted? If I’m grateful for my strength or good fortune in comparison to your so-called weakness or misfortune, does that make me…just secretly horrible?

Monthly-Round-Up-@2x

D Digest: How to be generous, loving your tribe, Online etiquette and calling bullshit when you need to. My November Roundup is in.

Why we relive the painful times over again. (For a good reason.)  You’re not a loser for feeling it again, you’re…soulfully thorough. Find your tribe. Love them hard. (And, is your tribe a healthy one?)  Our people do typically look like us, and quack like us, but magic happens when we stay open to the […]

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This