Walking away, music history, and not trying to heal other people. 9 of the Best Things I Ever Did (Volume 2)
I stopped trying to heal people…who didn’t really want to be healed. You can come broken, come bleeding, come in knots — but if you don’t actually want to do the healing work, (change, let go, serve others in the growing) like, what can I do? Healing within a relationship is so mercifully possible — but it’s a dance of willingness and intention, not a prescription.
Hellooo, surround sound! When I dreamed of “making it” (which for me meant writing what I wanted and making a living from it) I envisioned a trifecta of treats: a hot tub, never having to paint my bachelor apartment by myself ever again, and surround sound. I now have SONOS speakers in almost every corner of my crib. It’s a perpetual cocktail party from the bathroom, rock opera in the kitchen. I have arrived.
I lay down on the floor to hear the idea. If the idea is good but something about it is off. Or the invite looks shiney but I’m not an immediate YES....I used to try to push through those creative blocks. Now, I stop. I lay down. Always on the floor. And I say, “Project…book…invite…what’s up? Show me what I need to know.” And I tell you, it works every single time. I see what’s really going on and I get the solution.
I took a year off of speaking gigs. I was getting cranky — stuffy hotel rooms and stale airport muffins were getting to me. And when you get bitchy about doing something you truly love doing — rocking the stage in a packed room of incredible women wanting to make the world a brighter place — then, um, it’s time to check your attitude and pull over to the side of the road. Just take a break. I wondered if I would disappear too much — the ego hates being invisible. Or if I’d be interested in getting back to the mic. And of course, I jumped back, with new opinions and spoken word pieces, hotter heels and more love than ever. Love, fully renewed. [Here are my 15 Tips for Public Speaking.]
I started a “Featured Musician of the Week” system with my kid. When my little dude heard a Madonna song in a movie and asked me, “Was Madonna around when you went to high school, cuz like, is she THAT OLD?!”, I thought, Hmmm, it’s time for some music history. I stick a band picture on the fridge and my kid’s assignment is to find three of their songs and tell me what he thinks. He doesn’t have to like any of them, this is about opinions, not conversion. Featured so far: Bowie. Blondie. Leonard Cohen. The Beach Boys. The Cure. Coming soon: Led Zeppelin, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Sinead, Nick Cave.
No more gel nails. That shit is so toxic. OBVIOUSLY.
Standing desk. Um, wow. Brings life to the process and happiness to your spine. The trick is to get a desk that is really easy to move up and down (They cost more. Worth it.) And, always start your day by standing at the desk, not sitting.
I snapped out of the “I’ll just do it myself” ridiculousness. I have an incredible team. But as an only child, an independent honey, and entrepreneur — I always default to “I’ll just do it.” And that nutsness is not helpful for getting the right stuff done. I focus on what I do best and let everyone else do what they do best.
I walked away. I held out. I weathered the craving to compromise. And wow, guys, having heart-centered high standards pays off. Big time. Life meets you where you honour yourself. T W E E T ♥
All for Love,