Soul soup. (Keep this in mind when you're falling apart.)
When the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, there is a stage in it's metamorphosis where it is completely liquified. It is a "nutritive soup of enzymes." Entirely unrecognizable. You can't tell what it was, or what it will become. Soup.
Many of us are familiar with Joseph Campbell's metaphor of "the hero entering the darkest part of the forest, where no one has entered before." But what's often left out of that teaching is this: "…and the hero moves in a dream landscape of curiously fluid, ambiguous forms." More soup.
There will be a time, a passage when you don't really know who you were, or are, or can be. It's natural, it's divine, and it's the chemistry of beautiful, awesome change.
This passage can happen in big dramatic swells, as years of not quite knowing what you want to do; or seasons of confusion that aren't quite depressing, but confusing enough to invite sadness in. This can happen in compressed bouts of uncertainty before you do something new or monumental.
Soul soup. You're making it. Your past is in there -- nothing goes to waste; and your desires -- every wish you've ever wished gets mixed in; and it's infused with incredible, and I do mean incredible possibilities.